Spruce I've made several efforts to avoid it--all in vain. I like you a lot and I don't want to leave you. Captain What's that, scoundrel? Spruce Sir, an ancient custom of speaking my mind gives me the right. My case is like your own. I've seen you drunk more than once in a tavern, and many's the time I had to help you home to bed. I've never scolded you much about these little escapades--we ought not to mention other people's infirmities-- Forget them, since they forget ours. Captain I'll forgive you for liking your bottle--if I thought that was your only vice--but your penchant for one sin carries you on to a thousand others. You have a strange passion for gambling. Spruce Oh, if I gamble a little it's only to spend the time while you are spending the night in certain black gambling dens. I hear you swearing right up to the door. I swear, too, when luck is against me. And who can tell us apart? You swear in your room, and I swear on the stairs. I imitate you in every respect. You drink, gamble, and love with extreme passion, and I drink, gamble--and love a little, too. And if I am a flirt, it's because you are one, too. Consummate in the art, I might add. You go every day with a vagabond ardor, raffling off all the ladies--from blond to brunette. Today, Flavella dominates you--you say you love her--but I don't know why. Captain You don't know why! Is it possible you refuse to render homage to her charms, to her divine eyes? I saw her at her aunt's, where I was quite enchanted. She wounded me to the heart. Spruce Yet you have an attentive soul for her crazy Aunt--Urania. Now I approve of Urania. Perfect choice. Without her money we'd be in an awful fix. Meanwhile, I profit, too. You cajole the Aunt, and I corrupt Jenny, her maid-- Thus, you see-- Captain Yes, I see--in a word you think you know everything. You are nothing but a near sighted fool! To prevent yourself from uttering some new stupidity, shut up, and take my trunk to the hotel. Spruce (picking up the trunk) I obey. But if I should want to speak on this vain subject again, believe me, I can hold forth at some length. Captain Oh, be quiet! Spruce When I have a mind to, I can speak better than anybody-- Captain Wait! Whose trunk is this? Spruce Huh! By George, it's yours. Captain It doesn't in the least look like mine. Spruce For a while, I had the same suspicion as you. But it's got your name and address on it--and that relieved my mind of any doubt. (puts the trunk down) Here, read the words very plainly written. To McNaughten, London. Captain True, but wait a bit,--what do you say to this? It's not my handwriting. Therefore, it is not my trunk. Spruce You're right. But it resembles your handwriting a great deal. Captain You acted impulsively in taking this trunk.