The Memoirs of a Failure: with an Account of the Man and His ManuscriptKittredge, Daniel Wright
Science
The Memoirs of a Failure: with an Account of the Man and His Manuscript
Kittredge, Daniel Wright
Failure (Psychology) -- Fiction; Harvard University -- Fiction; University of Virginia -- Fiction
I could not rid myself of the remembrance of the figure, and my mental
eye kept looking about for him. Gong! Gong! There was the clatter of
the horses’ hoofs. Gong! Gong! The entire fire company sprang through
its doors. Gong! Gong!
“There he is!” I cried to myself, tingling in every hair of my head,
“there he is!”
It was the flash of the figure that I saw, driving horses breakneck, to
save his fellow men.
VIII
This morning I am making a tour of inspection with the Great Axilla. We
are driving in his chariot, which is a wide-seated, low-swung ox-cart
drawn by a yoke of white oxen. The Excelsior has other means of faster
locomotion, but he abhors those vehicles, while I am made nervous by
the slow speed of our ox-cart.
“Why are you so fidgety, puny one?” asked the Excelsior, “evidently the
inhabitants of your country get small enjoyment out of life, because
they do not train themselves to observe. If one travels faster than an
ox can walk, it is not possible for him to observe the indispensable
details of this world. I am going through life for the last time, my
little fellow, and I want to see all that there is. I am in no hurry.”
We rode along in frisky pomp, and I tried to sit still.
“Who lives in that great mansion?” I asked, as we jaunted past the
abode of some evidently wealthy citizen.
“His name was Missed-It.”
“Is he dead?”
“Yes, he died yesterday.”
“What a strange name;” I mused.
“No, not if you knew him,” said the Excelsior, “you know I never allow
my great folk to have permanent names until they are dead. Then I name
them. If you will go some other time to visit our cemetery you will see
by the tombstones that several important personages have passed away
this winter. You will see that I have had their names cut deep in the
stones. For instance, ‘Natural Poser’ died in November; likewise ‘Poor
Imitation.’ Then in December, we lost ‘Anybody’s Flirt,’ and a little
later ‘Sublime Assurance’ had to die. And now little old ‘Missed-It’ is
to be tucked away. He was certainly very rich.”
“How much did he leave?”
“He left everything.”
The ox-cart slowly mounted a snow-covered hill, and I kept quiet.
Presently my host said:
“There are no pockets to our shrouds; neither are there money drawers
in our burial vaults; and that man’s coffin could not hold a tithe of
what he amassed.”
“Why, how much was he worth?”
“Ninety billion buttons!” exclaimed the Excelsior, his eyes bulging in
spite of himself.
“Buttons? Are buttons the coin of your realm?” I asked, smiling.
“You need not be so supercilious, my small guest,” snapped the
Excelsior, “for I adopted our currency system from your own people.”
“How is that?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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