The Memoirs of a Failure: with an Account of the Man and His ManuscriptKittredge, Daniel Wright
Science
The Memoirs of a Failure: with an Account of the Man and His Manuscript
Kittredge, Daniel Wright
Failure (Psychology) -- Fiction; Harvard University -- Fiction; University of Virginia -- Fiction
Well, I went to see him; and he returned my calls, for that was
all they were--just calls. Somehow or other, Dunlevy and I were
not to become intimate. It seemed as though I were handling a
piece of quicksilver on an earthen platter, looking so bright, so
impressionable, and yet the moment one would say, “You are mine!” all
was gone, scattered and running in every direction, nowhere to be
seized. So long as I did not seek to make an intimate friend of him,
all went well.
To describe how I felt when calling on Dunlevy, I may do best by
quoting this sentence from Emerson:
“He is solitary because he has society in his thought, and, when people
come in, they drive away his society and isolate him.”
With me he was outwardly cordial and inwardly aloof.
The truth is, no one ever knew Dunlevy well. So far as I am aware he
had not a single intimate friend. He walked alone. I used to see him on
winter afternoons going up Brattle Street, carrying his head back, his
eyes looking upward as though he were studying the leafless branches of
the trees. He made me think of what Abbé Barthelemy wrote of himself:
“I go on solitary promenades, and when night comes I say to myself,
‘There is another day gone by.’” I verily believe that Dunlevy was so
alone during those days at Harvard that for two months at a time no one
entered his room.
At lectures and at meals it was as if he were not really thinking of
what was actually taking place in his presence. I do not mean that
his appearance was that of a listless dreamer. Nor do I mean that he
tried to carry a pose of abstraction. It was simply that he had the
nervous, conscious look of an habitual recluse. He might well have said
with Rousseau, “Being a recluse, I am more sensitive than other men.”
He held himself aloof, not wilfully, but because he seemed to have a
constitutional inability to adapt himself to others. This reserve was
by many mistaken for rudeness.
It was noticeable that he rarely entered into general conversation
and that for the most part he kept strict counsel with himself. Yet
whenever I felt certain that Dunlevy was utterly inattentive, he had a
way of stroking his delicately featured face and then of saying a few
carefully chosen words which were sufficient to prove that he took an
occasional reckoning of the depth of the persons with whom necessity
forced him to have intercourse. Dunlevy had much of the feminine in the
make-up of his character, though he was in no sense effeminate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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