The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama
[_The band strikes up the air of "Mind the Paint" as LILY enters at
the right-hand door at the back with JIMMIE BIRCH. LILY is dressed in
white, and altogether fulfils exteriorly ROPER'S description of
"angelic." She carries a large bouquet of lilies and pale roses with a
broad ribbon flowing from it. All the men but FARNCOMBE, who holds
aloof, press round her, STIDULPH rising and joining them. The ladies
follow._
THE MEN.
[_Struggling for her hand._] Many happy returns of day! Many happy
returns of the day! Many happy returns of the day!
JIMMIE.
[_Battling with the men._] Keep away from her! Bertie, you're on her
frock! Mind her frock!
ROPER.
Mind the paint!
SOME OF THE MEN.
Ha, ha, ha!
LILY.
[_Holding her bouquet above her head._] My roses! Be careful of me,
boys! One at a time!
THE MEN.
Many happy returns of the day!
LILY.
I want to kiss the girls. Girls----!
[_The men make way for the ladies who come to LILY._
THE LADIES.
Many happy returns of the day!
LILY.
[_Embracing them._] Sybil-- Nita--! Oh, Mrs. Stidulph!-- Enid--
Daphne-- Gabs-- Flo dear-- Olga-- 'Vangy----!
PALK.
[_Suddenly._] Here's the guv'nor!
[_SMYTHE enters at the door on the left. LUIGI and the waiters are
behind him, the waiters carrying trays on which are sugar-casters and
dishes of powdered ginger. At once there is a movement towards SMYTHE
of everybody except those who have already greeted him, and LILY who
is detained by ROPER and others._
TAVISH.
How are you, guv'nor?
SOME OF THE LADIES.
How d'ye do, Mr. Smythe?
OTHER LADIES.
[_Hustling him._] How are you, Carlton?
SMYTHE.
[_In the midst of them all._] Girls, girls! I'll shake hands with you
all in turn, girls.
ENID.
Thought you were dead.
DAPHNE.
Yes; look at Olga-- she's in deep mourning.
SOME OF THE LADIES.
Ha, ha, ha!
SMYTHE.
[_Shaking hands._] Don't, girls, don't; you're smothering me.
LILY.
[_During a momentary lull, finding FARNCOMBE standing before her and
raising her eyebrows._] You! [_Giving him her hand carelessly._] Oh,
it isn't long before we meet again, is it?
SMYTHE.
[_Puffing and blowing._] That's the lot of yer. Phew! Where's Lily?
Lily here? [_The crowd divides, to allow him to advance. Seeing LILY,
he opens his arms and she goes to him and lays her head upon his
breast._] Lil-- [_patting her shoulders_] my dear!
LILY.
[_Half gaily, half tearfully._] Ha, ha, ha! Carlton!
SMYTHE.
Go'blessyer! [_In another tone._] Well, what about something to eat!
LUIGI.
Ready, Mr. Smythe. [_Loudly._] Ladies and gentlemen, supper is ready!
SMYTHE.
Ha!
COOLING.
[_At the principal table._] Here you are, Chief! Miss Parradell!
SMYTHE.
[_To LILY._] Come along!
[_There is a general hunt for places and much hubbub and confusion._
COOLING.
[_Calling to ROPER._] Lal, that's your table.
ROPER.
[_Imitating a shop-walker._] Mr. Roper, forward!
COOLING.
Mrs. Stidulph! Lord Farncombe! [_Pointing to another table._] Glynn,
you're there.
BLAND.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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