Chinese -- England -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Epistolary fiction; Humorous stories
At this point the prisoners frequently endeavour to make themselves
heard, protesting that in the distance between the concealed Wang and
the one who stands accusing them they had thrice stopped to repair their
innermost details, had leisurely partaken of food and wine, and had
also been overtaken, struck, and delayed by a funeral procession. But so
great is the execration in which these persons are held, that although
murderers by stealth, outlaws, snatchers from the body, and companies of
men who by strategy make a smaller sum of money appear to be larger, can
all freely testify their innocence, raisers of this unlawful demon
must not do so, and they are beaten on the head with chains until they
desist.
Then the lesser mandarins, raising their voices in unison, exclaim,
“The amiable Tsay-hi has reported the matter in a discreet and impartial
spirit. Hear our pronouncement: These raisers of illegal spirits
shall each contribute ten taels of gold, which shall be expended in
joss-sticks, in purifying the road which they have scorched, and in
alleviating the distress of the poor and virtuous of both sexes. The
praiseworthy Tsay-hi, moreover, shall embroider upon his sleeve an
honourable sign in remembrance of the event. Let drums now be beat, and
our verdict loudly proclaimed throughout the province.”
These things, O my illustrious father (although on account of my
contemptible deficiencies of style much may seem improbable to your
all-knowing mind), these things I write with an unbending brush; for
I set down only that which I have myself seen, or read in their own
printed records. Doubtless it will occur to one of your preternatural
intelligence that our own system of administering justice, whereby the
person who can hire the greater number of witnesses is reasonably held
to be in the right, although perhaps not absolutely infallible, is in
every way more convenient; but, as it is well said, “To the blind, night
is as acceptable as day.”
Henceforth you will have no hesitation in letting it be known throughout
Yuen-ping that these foreign barbarians do possess secret demons, in
spite of their denials. Doubtless I shall presently discover others no
less powerful.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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