_Tickler_.--I have no objection to their living half the year in town, as you call it, if they can live in such a hell upon earth, of dust, noise, and misery. Only think of the Dolphin water in the solar microscope! _Theodore_.--I know nothing of the water of London personally. _Odoherty_.--Nor I; but I take it, we both have a notion of its brandy and water. _Tickler_.--'Tis, in fact, their duty to be a good deal in London. But I'll tell you what I do object to, and what I rather think are evils of modern date, or at any rate, of very rapid recent growth. First, I object to their living those months of the year in which it is _contra bonos mores_ to be in London, not in their paternal mansions, but at those little bastardly abortions, which they call watering-places--their Leamingtons, their Cheltenhams, their Brighthelmstones. _Theodore_.--Brighton, my dear rustic Brighton! _Odoherty_.--Synopicé. _Shepherd_.--What's your wull, Sir Morgan? It does no staun' wi' me. _Theodore_.--A horrid spot, certainly--but possessing large conveniences, sir, for particular purposes. For example, sir, the balcony on the drawing-room floor commonly runs on the same level all round the square--which in the Brighthelmstonic dialect, sir, means a three-sided figure. The advantage is obvious, _Shepherd_.--Och, sirs! och, sirs! what wull this world come to! _Theodore_.--The truth is, sir, that people _comme il faut_ cannot well submit to the total change of society and manners implied in a removal from Whitehall or Mayfair to some absurd old antediluvian chateau, sir, boxed up among beeches and rooks. Sir, only think of the small Squires with the red faces, sir, and the grand white waistcoats down to their hips--and the dames, sir, with their wigs, and their simpers, and their visible pockets--and the damsels, blushing things in white muslin, with sky-blue sashes and ribbons, and mufflers and things--and the sons, sir, the promising young gentlemen, sir--and the doctor, and the lawyer--and the parson. So you disapprove of Brighton, Mr. Tickler?