Jacques made an effort to rise. What was he doing there in the grass,
on this mild and hazy winter night? The country remained plunged in
shadow. There was only light above, where the moon lit up the thin
fog, the immense ground-glass-like cupola which concealed it from
view, with a pale yellow reflex. Below, the black earth slumbered in
the immobility of death. Come! it must be near nine o'clock. The best
thing to do would be to return to the house, and go to bed. But, in his
torpor, he saw himself back at the Misards, ascending the staircase to
the loft, stretching himself on the hay against the plank partition
separating him from the room occupied by Flore. She would be there, he
would hear her breathing; and, as he was aware that she never locked
her door, he would be able to join her. His shivering fit returned. He
was racked again with such a violent sob at the image of this girl,
that he once more sank to the ground.
He had wanted to kill her--wanted to kill her! Great God! He was
choking in anguish at the thought that he would go and kill her in her
bed, presently, if he returned to the house. He might well be without
a weapon; he might cover his head with his two arms to render himself
powerless, but he felt that the male, independent of his own will,
would thrust open the door and strangle the girl, urged to the crime by
a thirst to avenge the ancient wrong. No, no! He had better pass the
night beating about the neighbourhood, than return there. Bounding to
his feet he fled again.
Then, once more, for half an hour, he tore across the dark country
as if an unchained pack of devils followed howling at his heels. He
ascended the hills, he plunged down into the narrow gorges. He went
through two streams, one after the other, drenching himself to the
hips. A bush, barring his progress, exasperated him. His only thought
was to go straight on, further, still further, to flee, to flee from
the other one, the mad animal he felt within him; but the beast
accompanied him, it flew along as fast as he did. For months he had
fancied he had driven it from him; he had pursued the same life as
other people; and, now, he had to begin again, he would have to resume
the struggle to prevent the brute leaping upon the first woman he
chanced to brush against in the street.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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