“Aren’t you taking an awful chance?” He looked at me. His eyes had something strange in them, so that I felt rather uncomfortable. “How old are you? Twenty-three?” It seemed to me that the question was beside the point. It was natural that I should take chances; but he was a man whose youth was past, a stockbroker with a position of respectability, a wife and two children. A course that would have been natural for me was absurd for him. I wished to be quite fair. “Of course a miracle may happen, and you may be a great painter, but you must confess the chances are a million to one against it. It’ll be an awful sell if at the end you have to acknowledge you’ve made a hash of it.” “I’ve got to paint,” he repeated. “Supposing you’re never anything more than third-rate, do you think it will have been worth while to give up everything? After all, in any other walk in life it doesn’t matter if you’re not very good; you can get along quite comfortably if you’re just adequate; but it’s different with an artist.” “You blasted fool,” he said. “I don’t see why, unless it’s folly to say the obvious.” “I tell you I’ve got to paint. I can’t help myself. When a man falls into the water it doesn’t matter how he swims, well or badly: he’s got to get out or else he’ll drown.” There was real passion in his voice, and in spite of myself I was impressed. I seemed to feel in him some vehement power that was struggling within him; it gave me the sensation of something very strong, overmastering, that held him, as it were, against his will. I could not understand. He seemed really to be possessed of a devil, and I felt that it might suddenly turn and rend him. Yet he looked ordinary enough. My eyes, resting on him curiously, caused him no embarrassment. I wondered what a stranger would have taken him to be, sitting there in his old Norfolk jacket and his unbrushed bowler; his trousers were baggy, his hands were not clean; and his face, with the red stubble of the unshaved chin, the little eyes, and the large, aggressive nose, was uncouth and coarse. His mouth was large, his lips were heavy and sensual. No; I could not have placed him. “You won’t go back to your wife?” I said at last. “Never.” “She’s willing to forget everything that’s happened and start afresh. She’ll never make you a single reproach.” “She can go to hell.” “You don’t care if people think you an utter blackguard? You don’t care if she and your children have to beg their bread?” “Not a damn.” I was silent for a moment in order to give greater force to my next remark. I spoke as deliberately as I could. “You are a most unmitigated cad.” “Now that you’ve got that off your chest, let’s go and have dinner.” Chapter XIII