I dare say it would have been more seemly to decline this proposal. I
think perhaps I should have made a show of the indignation I really
felt, and I am sure that Colonel MacAndrew at least would have thought
well of me if I had been able to report my stout refusal to sit at the
same table with a man of such character. But the fear of not being able
to carry it through effectively has always made me shy of assuming the
moral attitude; and in this case the certainty that my sentiments would
be lost on Strickland made it peculiarly embarrassing to utter them.
Only the poet or the saint can water an asphalt pavement in the
confident anticipation that lilies will reward his labour.
I paid for what we had drunk, and we made our way to a cheap
restaurant, crowded and gay, where we dined with pleasure. I had the
appetite of youth and he of a hardened conscience. Then we went to a
tavern to have coffee and liqueurs.
I had said all I had to say on the subject that had brought me to
Paris, and though I felt it in a manner treacherous to Mrs. Strickland
not to pursue it, I could not struggle against his indifference. It
requires the feminine temperament to repeat the same thing three times
with unabated zest. I solaced myself by thinking that it would be
useful for me to find out what I could about Strickland’s state of
mind. It also interested me much more. But this was not an easy thing
to do, for Strickland was not a fluent talker. He seemed to express
himself with difficulty, as though words were not the medium with which
his mind worked; and you had to guess the intentions of his soul by
hackneyed phrases, slang, and vague, unfinished gestures. But though he
said nothing of any consequence, there was something in his personality
which prevented him from being dull. Perhaps it was sincerity. He did
not seem to care much about the Paris he was now seeing for the first
time (I did not count the visit with his wife), and he accepted sights
which must have been strange to him without any sense of astonishment.
I have been to Paris a hundred times, and it never fails to give me a
thrill of excitement; I can never walk its streets without feeling
myself on the verge of adventure. Strickland remained placid. Looking
back, I think now that he was blind to everything but to some
disturbing vision in his soul.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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