Yes, it is formed also in the midst of all the conflicts of life for
which marriage gives so much occasion. It is true there are now married
people who separate because from the very beginning they considered
fidelity impossible and so did not even strive for it. But many other
divorces have far more complex, psychological reasons. When two people
are married young, personal development takes often entirely opposite
directions; if they have married in more mature years, then their
individual differences, already strongly marked from the beginning, make
the problem of common life together difficult of solution. The strongly
developed sensibility of the modern individual to disposition, nuances,
variations of humor, makes a lack of sympathy still more unendurable; a
true sympathy a far greater source of joy. The whole multiplicity of
psycho-physical influences and impressions which the members of a family
exercise upon one another for pleasure and displeasure, sympathy and
variance, harmony and discord, are now in all relationships, but above
all in marriage, felt with greatest intensity. It is in those natures
most individually developed, most refined, for whom the nuances of the
married life, not its simple primal colors, signify happiness or
unhappiness.
To this general delicacy of feeling there is added especially the
heightened sensibility of woman to the discord between that which she
expected in marriage and that which in reality it offered her, because
the union often lacked the freedom, the understanding which her
sympathetic feeling now craves. This lack of harmony is inevitable since
the forms of marriage have not even approximately undergone the
transformation which would correspond to the individual development of
the two beings, of the woman especially, whom it unites. But while all
these reasons, cursorily indicated here, contribute their part in the
increased number of divorces, the life of finer feeling creates, on the
other hand, an ever more intimate married life. There are married people
who have pledged each other at marriage full freedom to dissolve the
union when either of them so wished, and others who have never given
legal form to their marriage yet realize fully and richly love in
"sorrow and in joy," in sympathetic work together, in reciprocal, true
devotion. There have been, on the other hand, champions of so-called
"free love" who were themselves by nature such pronounced believers in
only one marriage that their life was wrecked when the one to whom they
had bound themselves applied to their own case their own theories. It is
always the character which ultimately decides. Character can make the
radical theorist a moral paragon and the pillar of society resting upon
conservative ground a reed of passion; it can make the advocate of
egoism sublimely devoted and the apostle of Christianity deeply egoistic
in his love.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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