Your Chairman does me too great honor when he says that I combine the upper and the lower part of me in a single synthesis. The fact is that the two parts of me never have lived together in harmony. The trouble is with my head. It’s forever saying, “I’m human, but what is it to be human?” and this keeps the whole of me in turmoil. I’ve been asking this question for thousands of years, and asking it is as far as ever I get. Tough luck; but not as bad as trying to answer questions that you don’t know how to ask. Believe me, asking the right question is the greatest discovery anybody ever makes; it’s the high-trapeze act of the whole scientific circus. It makes me tired--I’ve been too tired to stir for as much as five thousand years--to hear philosophers, and preachers, and guides of youth “explain” the mystery of human existence by prating of ghosts, and souls, and faculties that always are just around the corner and never where you can get your eyes upon them (Applause). It all comes about from asking the wrong question. In this instance, it’s the mud-pie question: What’s it made of? This question plays the very deuce. By the way, all of you guys are done with mud pies, I suppose? I haven’t seen the last number of your Annals. A Practicing Psychologist: May I introduce myself to our distinguished speaker by explaining that I am a certified practicing psychologist? From the point of view of my profession the question that has been put to us is readily answered: We are done with mud pies. We are not at all concerned to know whether man is made out of the dust of the ground or out of the breath of divinity. Our job is simply to enable men to control, manage, and manipulate themselves and one another so as to get what they want with the greatest certainty and the least expense. And we have had no mean success in this job. If a child is backward in school, we find out why, and we tell the teacher what to do. We have evolved technics for advertising that increase sales, whip up competition, and compel combination. We can tell you how to manage salespeople or factory operatives so that both they and their foremen will be happier, the output will increase, and dividends will grow. It was a technic that we devised that enabled our officials at Washington to do the people’s thinking for them during the War while the people supposed all the time that they were doing their own thinking. Psychology is what psychology does. The Sphinx: You’re just the pin in a haymow that I’ve been looking for ever since Bacchus went on his first spree! Nothing else has puzzled me half as much as this phase of my old question, namely: What do human beings want? Since the management of minds is your specialty, practice on me; tell me how I can manage my head or the minds of men so as to find out what would really satisfy a human being. Practicing Psychologist: