"Number Three, don't flap yer helbows like an 'en; you ain't laid an hegg, 'ave you? "'Ollow yer backs, 'eads up, 'eels down; four feet from nose to croup. "Number One, keep yer feet back, you'll be kickin' that mare's teeth out, you will. "Come down off 'is 'ead, Number Seven; this ain't a monkey-'ouse. "Keep a light an' even feelin' of both reins, backs of the 'ands foremost, four feet from nose to croup. "Leggo that mare's tail, Number Seven; you're goin', not comin', and any'ow that mare likes to keep 'er tail to 'erself. You've upset 'er now, the tears is fair streamin' down 'er face--'ave a bit of feelin' for a pore dumb beast. "'Ollow yer backs, even pace, grip with the knees, shorten yer reins, four feet from nose to croup. Number Eight, restrain yerself, me lad, restrain yerself, you ain't shadow-sparrin', you know. "You too, Number Nine; if you don't calm yer action a bit you'll burst somethin'. "Now, remember, a light feelin' of the right rein and pressure of the left leg. Ride--wa-a-alk! Ri'--tur-r-rn! 'Alt--'pare to s'mount--s'mount! Dismount, I said, Number Five; that means get down. No, don't dismount on the flat of yer back, me lad, it don't look nice. Try to remember you're an horfficer and be more dignified. "Now listen to me while I enumerate the parts of a norse in language so simple any bloomin' fool can understand. This'll be useful to you, for if you ever 'ave a norse to deal with and he loses one of 'is parts you'll know 'ow to indent for a new one. "The 'orse 'as two ends, a fore-end--so called from its tendency to go first, and an 'ind-end or rear rank. The 'orse is provided with two legs at each end, which can be easily distinguished, the fore legs being straight and the 'ind legs 'avin' kinks in 'em. "As the 'orse does seventy-five per cent of 'is dirty work with 'is 'ind-legs it is advisable to keep clear of 'em, rail 'em off or strap boxing-gloves on 'em. The legs of the 'orse is very delicate and liable to crock up, so do not try to trim off any unsightly knobs that may appear on them with a hand-axe--a little of that 'as been known to sour a norse for good. "Next we come to the 'ead. On the south side of the 'ead we discover the mouth. The 'orse's mouth was constructed for mincing 'is victuals, also for 'is rider to 'ang on by. As the 'orse does the other forty-five per cent of 'is dirty work with 'is mouth it is advisable to stand clear of that as well. In fact, what with his mouth at one end and 'is 'ind-legs at t'other, the middle of the 'orse is about the only safe spot, _and that is why we place the saddle there_. Everything in the Harmy is done with a reason, gentlemen. "And now, Number ten, tell me what coloured 'orse you are ridin'?