“_Whose little boy are you?_” “_I’m Uncle Sam’s little boy._” “_Where are your parents, my lad?_” “_Papa’s doing ten years with the late Mrs. Bishop and mamma, I understand, is married at present to Mr. Bridgeport. Her contract expires some time next month, though, she having failed to get a renewal. Mamma’s getting old, you know._” ------------------------------------------------------------------------ “THE HAGUE TRIBUNAL” [Illustration: THE CZAR AND THE MIKADO GO TO WAR ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SOCIAL HAPPENINGS AT BIRD CENTER Since the war in the Far East began, there has been more or less interest evinced by our townsmen in the great struggle. Consequently, when some of our prominent citizens suggested that a talk be given by Captain Fry on the subject, everybody enthusiastically seconded the proposition. The gallant captain, himself a keen student of military strategy, as well as a hero of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and a thousand other equally noted battles, promised to give the talk and, in fact, did give it at the Opera House last Friday evening. Mr. Smiley Green, the popular undertaker, introduced the speaker with a few timely and well-chosen remarks, after which Captain Fry launched vigorously into his subject. “First, I want to explain what has led up to the present aggravated condition of affairs in the Far East. For many years Russia has slowly but surely been expanding to the eastward, until she is now in possession of all northern Asia. But she has no outlook to the sea for her commerce, except the ice-bound port of Vladivostok way up yonder [pointing to the map]. She is like a great wheat field full of grain with no gate to get the grain out. So what does she do? She decides to get a port farther south. When Japan licked the Chinese in ’94, and captured Port Arthur and a good part of Manchuria, Russia gets France and Germany to protest against Japan’s retaining Port Arthur. They protest and Japan is cheated out of the spoils of war. Then Russia quietly leases Port Arthur from the Chinese for twenty-five years and moves in. She doesn’t think England will stand for her action, but England had a weak Prime Minister, and no protest was made. Of all the nations of the earth, Russia was the most surprised to find that she was to be allowed to keep Port Arthur. So she proceeded to fortify and prepared to stay a good deal longer than her lease called for. Japan is sore, but all the powers were against her. Russia then decides that she must have all the land between Port Arthur and Siberia, so she proceeds to occupy Manchuria. When anybody protested she said she was going to get out day after to-morrow, but she didn’t calculate to. She had worked a bluff at Port Arthur, so why not work another for Manchuria? Japan was foxy and saw how it would come out if she didn’t step in and register a kick.