I. THE BATTLE OF THE LAMPS 189 II. THE CORRESPONDENT OF THE "COURT JOURNAL" 208 III. THE GREAT ARMY OF SOUTH KENSINGTON 224 BOOK V I. THE EMPIRE OF NOTTING HILL 259 II. THE LAST BATTLE 279 III. TWO VOICES 291 _ILLUSTRATIONS_ IN THE DARK ENTRANCE THERE APPEARED A FLAMING FIGURE _Frontispiece_ _To face page_ CITY MEN OUT ON ALL FOURS IN A FIELD COVERED WITH VEAL CUTLETS 16 "I'M THE KING OF THE CASTLE" 70 "I BRING HOMAGE TO MY KING" 104 MAP OF THE SEAT OF WAR 190 KING AUBERON DESCENDED FROM THE OMNIBUS WITH DIGNITY 220 "A FINE EVENING, SIR," SAID THE CHEMIST 264 "WAYNE, IT WAS ALL A JOKE!" 296 BOOK I _THE NAPOLEON OF NOTTING HILL_ CHAPTER I--_Introductory Remarks on the Art of Prophecy_ The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. And one of the games to which it is most attached is called "Keep to-morrow dark," and which is also named (by the rustics in Shropshire, I have no doubt) "Cheat the Prophet." The players listen very carefully and respectfully to all that the clever men have to say about what is to happen in the next generation. The players then wait until all the clever men are dead, and bury them nicely. They then go and do something else. That is all. For a race of simple tastes, however, it is great fun. For human beings, being children, have the childish wilfulness and the childish secrecy. And they never have from the beginning of the world done what the wise men have seen to be inevitable. They stoned the false prophets, it is said; but they could have stoned true prophets with a greater and juster enjoyment. Individually, men may present a more or less rational appearance, eating, sleeping, and scheming. But humanity as a whole is changeful, mystical, fickle, delightful. Men are men, but Man is a woman.