"Poor little sick girl," he said as to a child. "I'm glad you're going
away with your mother. We'll give you a nice rest and have you all fixed
up."
"You don't love me!" she said, looking at him stormily.
"Please, Winnie. Things are hard enough." His face was drawn with the
effort of his continued smile.
"You don't." She turned over and closed her eyes.
"Don't be absurd." He joked uncomfortably.
But she would not look at him.
He walked out on tiptoe as though he thought her asleep.
When she knew he was gone she began to cry, and, keeping her eyes
closed, moved her head from side to side and struck into the pillows
with her fist.
* * * * *
Laurence did not go home to dinner, but remained working at the
laboratory until after midnight. As he walked home the city streets,
washed thinly with light, were yet thronged. His mind was sharply intent
on itself. It was like the keel of a ship, parting the swarming life
before it.
But as he drew nearer the place where Winnie was his heart strained. He
felt suffocated. There were women standing in doorways. Their shadows
wove the darkness together and drew it tight about his heart. He hated
his work but the doing of it gave him relief, for it could not enter
him.
The glow from a street lamp fell on his own house--purple-red walls that
held Winnie. The big gilt figures on the transom above the door
glistened on the glass that gave back a blank reflection of the light.
He put in his latch key. The door, swinging away from him, seemed drawn
inward with the pull of the darkness.
It shut ponderously behind him. He hesitated a moment, resisting some
unknown inevitability. It was very still in the dark.
Only the stairs were half revealed by the pallor of the light that came
in high up from the street.
He walked up softly and opened the bedroom door. He could hear a breath
like the respiration of shadow. He knew it was Bobby.
Then somehow he realized that Winnie was awake and holding herself apart
from the dark.
He did not speak. She did not speak. He sat down and began to take off
his shoes.
As he laid the shoes away from him he was aware of her awareness as
though she were seeing him stoop forward in the dark. He had a sense of
his own motion as a pale line etched across a thick surface. When he
unbuckled his belt and began to draw his trousers over his feet he felt
the sharp sweep of his moving arms tearing the quiescence of the room.
He stood up naked. His cold toes gripped the hot nap of the roughened
carpet. He pulled on his pajamas and the white cloth, as it was drawn up
his legs, was cool white fire, that burnt upward from his bare feet.
The room seemed a final blackness into which the dark of the night
outside had flowed and gathered as in a pool. Still feeling himself
burning white in the cool cloth, Laurence walked to the side of the bed
and looked down to see if Winnie were asleep.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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