This is my legacy to _you_: if you ask me why I have presented you
with this man’s new identity--since it _will_ mean a new identity--I
must answer that I simply don’t know. Why have we kept him alive all
these years? I have done it no doubt because I had nothing to give
you. But you? If you have loved me you must have wished him--I won’t
say dead--but no more there. Yet you have tried too--and I suppose
this answer to the riddle is simply the answer to the whole riddle
of our life. We have tried to play a supremely difficult game simply
because it sanctified our love. For, after all, sanctification arises
from difficulties. Well, we have made our way very strait and we have
so narrowed the door of entrance that it has vanished altogether. We
have never had _any_ hope of a solution that could have satisfied us.
If we had cared to break the rules of the game, I suppose we could
have done it easily enough--and we could have done it the more easily
since neither you nor I ever subscribed to those rules. If we have
not it was, I think, simply because we sought the difficulty which
sanctifies.... Has it been a very imbecile proceeding? I am most
uncertain. For it is not a thing to be very proud of--to be able to say
that for a whole lifetime, one has abstained from that which one most
desired. On the other hand, we have won a curious and difficult game.
Well--there it is--and there is your legacy. I do not think that there
is anything else for me to write about. You will see that, in my will,
I have left everything I possess to--Edward Burden. This is not because
I wish to make him reparation, and it’s not because I wish to avoid
scandal: it is simply because it may show him--one very simple thing.
It will show him how very nearly I might have made things come right.
I have been balancing my accounts very carefully, and I find that,
reckoning things reasonably against myself, Edward Burden will have a
five-pound note with which to buy himself a mourning-ring.
The being forced to attend to my accounts will make him gasp a
good deal. It will certainly shake his belief in all accepted
reputations--for he will look on the faces of many men each “as
solid as the Bank of England,” and he will think: “I wonder if you
are like----?” His whole world will crumble--not because I have been
dishonest, since he is coldblooded enough to believe that all men
may be dishonest. But he will tremble because I have been able to
be so wildly dishonest and yet to be so successfully respectable.
He won’t even dare to “expose” me, since, if he did that, half of
the shares which he will inherit from me would suffer an eclipse of
disreputability, would tumble to nothingness in value--and would damage
his poor pocket. He will have to have my estate set down at a high
figure; he will have to be congratulated on his fortunate inheritance,
and he will have, sedulously, to compound my felony.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account