But this evening there was no piquet. Laurie had stayed later than
usual in the dining-room, and had wandered rather restlessly about
when he had joined the others. He looked at a London evening paper for
a little, paced about, vanished again, and only returned as the ladies
were making ready to depart. Then he gave them their candlesticks, and
himself came back to the drawing room.
He was, in fact, in a far more perturbed and excited mood than even
Maggie had had any idea of. She had interrupted him half-way through
the book, but he had read again steadily until five minutes before
dinner, and had, indeed, gone back again to finish it afterwards. He
had now finished it; and he wanted to think.
It had had a surprising effect on him, coming as it did upon a state
of mind intensely stirred to its depths by his sorrow. Crossness, as I
have said, had been the natural psychological result of his emotions;
but his emotions were none the less real. The froth of whipped cream
is real cream, after all.
Now Laurie had seen perfectly well the extreme unconvincingness of
Mrs. Stapleton, and had been genuine enough in his little shrug of
disapproval in answer to Maggie's, after lunch; yet that lady's
remarks had been sufficient just to ignite the train of thought. This
train had smoldered in the afternoon, had been fanned ever so slightly
by two breezes--the sense of Maggie's superiority and the faint
rebellious reaction which had come upon him with regard to his
personal religion. Certainly he had had Mass said for Amy this
morning; but it had been by almost a superstitious rather than a
religious instinct. He was, in fact, in that state of religious
unreality which occasionally comes upon converts within a year or two
of the change of their faith. The impetus of old association is
absent, and the force of novelty has died.
Underneath all this then, it must be remembered that the one thing
that was intensely real to him was his sense of loss of the one soul
in whom his own had been wrapped up. Even this afternoon as yesterday,
even this morning as he lay awake, he had been conscious of an
irresistible impulse to demand some sign, to catch some glimpse of
that which was now denied to him.
It was in this mood that he had read the book; and it is not to be
wondered at that he had been excited by it.
For it opened up to him, beneath all its sham mysticism, its
intolerable affectations, its grotesque parody of spirituality--of all
of which he was largely aware--a glimmering avenue of a faintly
possible hope of which he had never dreamed--a hope, at least, of that
half self-deception which is so tempting to certain characters.
Here, in this book, written by a living man, whose name and address
were given, were stories so startling, and theories so apparently
consonant with themselves and with other partly known facts--stories
and theories, too, which met so precisely his own overmastering
desire, that it is little wonder that he was affected by them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account