English fiction -- 19th century; London (England) -- Fiction; Poor -- Fiction; Poverty -- Fiction
books were obtainable she read greedily; she purchased numbers of plays
in the acting-editions, and studied with the utmost earnestness such
parts as she knew by repute; no actress entertained a more superb
ambition, none was more vividly conscious of power. But it was not only
at stage-triumph that Clara aimed; glorious in itself, this was also to
serve her as a means of becoming nationalised among that race of beings
whom birth and breeding exalt above the multitude. A notable illusion;
pathetic to dwell upon. As a work-girl, she nourished envious hatred of
those the world taught her to call superiors; they were then as remote
and unknown to her as gods on Olympus. From her place behind the
footlights she surveyed the occupants of boxes and stalls in a changed
spirit; the distance was no longer insuperable; she heard of fortunate
players who mingled on equal terms with men and women of refinement.
There, she imagined, was her ultimate goal. ‘It is to _them_ that I
belong! Be my origin what it may, I have the intelligence and the
desires of one born to freedom. Nothing in me, nothing, is akin to that
gross world from which I have escaped!’ So she thought—with every drop
of her heart’s blood crying its source from that red fountain of revolt
whereon never yet did the upper daylight gleam! Brain and pulses such
as hers belong not to the mild breed of mortals fostered in sunshine.
But for the stroke of fate, she might have won that reception which was
in her dream, and with what self-mockery when experience had matured
itself! Never yet did true rebel, who has burst the barriers of social
limitation, find aught but _ennui_ in the trim gardens beyond.
When John asked if the book had given her amusement, she said that
reading made her eyes ache. He noticed that her hand felt feverish, and
that the dark mood had fallen upon her as badly as ever to-night.
‘It’s just what I said,’ she exclaimed with abruptness, after long
refusal to speak. ‘I knew your friend would never come as long as I was
here.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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