But Yulia she call me gude faller, Ay s'pose she tenk dat vill help some; And all of dem call me gude faller, And helping to put me on bum. Val, back to the pines, Maester Olaf, And driving yure old team of mules. Put dis in yure pipe, tu, and smoke it: Gude fallers ban mostly dam fules. "IT'S UP TO YOU" Ay s'pose yu tenk life ban hard game. Ay guess yu lak to qvit, perhaps. Ay hear yu say, "It ban a shame To see so many lucky chaps." Yu say, "Dese guys ban mostly yaps: Ay vish ay had some money, tu, And not get all dese gude hard raps." Val, Maester, it ban op to yu. Sometimes ay s'pose yu vork long hours, And ant get wery fancy pay; Den yu can't buying stacks of flowers And feed yure girl in gude café, And drenk yin rickies and frappé. Oh, yes! dis mak yu purty blue. Yu lak to have more fun, yu say? Val, Maester, it ban op to yu. Dis vorld ant got much room to spare For men vich make dis hard-luck cry,-- 'Bout von square foot vile dey ban har, And six feet after dey skol die. Time "fugit,"--high-school vord for "fly"; And purty sune yure chance ban tru. So, ef yu lak to stack chips high, Val, Maester, it ban op to yu. HIS HISTORICAL TALES HORATIUS AT THE BRIDGE Horatius ban brave yentleman, Who vatch big bridge at night: It ban gude many years ago, Ay ant got date yust right. Dar ban some foxy geezers Who march avay from home, And tenk they having qvite gude chance To raise some hal in Rome. Lars Porsena ban starting it,-- Ay tenk Lars ban a Svede; He raise 'bout tousand soldiers, And put himself in lead. Then he began tu marching, And all his frends march, tu, Till they skol come almost to Rome, Var dey skol rest a few. Then op spake Maester Horatius, Captain of dis har gate: "To every yackass on dis earth Death coming sune or late. So how can ay die better Than vatching bridge, yu say? Now who skol standing on my front And vatching bridge vith me?" Then Maester Laertus Larson, A scrapper fine ban he, Say, "Ay skol standing on yure back, But not on front, by yee!" And old Herminius Hermanson-- He ban gude fighter, tu, Say, "Ay skol taking little smash At dese har Svedes vith yu!" So ven dis Maester Porsena Ban come to big bridge gate, He sees three husky lumberyacks, And know he come tu late. But Lars, he ant ban qvitter, He send 'bout saxteen men To taking bridge,--by yiminy, Dey ant come back again! While old Horatius and his frends Ban vatching bridge so gude, Some aldermen on oder shore Ban sawing planty vood. Ay tal yu, ven dese boodlers Ban start to tear tengs down, Dar ant no better vorkers Novere in whole dam town. So ven dis bridge start falling, Horatius' frends yump back; And he skol stand alone dar-- He ban brave lumberyack. Then he yump into Tiber, And say, "Ay skol svim home!" Dis har ban how Horatius Skol turn gude trick for Rome. WILLIAM TELL