The Observations of Henry: IllustratedJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
The Observations of Henry: Illustrated
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English; Waiters -- Fiction
He thought again, and a light broke over his face. “By Jove!”
he says, “you're right. I did put it down for a moment on the
platform at Banbury while I bought a 'Tit-Bits.'”
“There you are,” I says; “now you're talking sense. And wait a
minute; isn't to-morrow the first day of the Birmingham Dog Show?”
“I believe you're right,” he says.
“Now we're getting warm,” I says. “By a coincidence this dog was
being taken to Birmingham, packed in a hamper exactly similar to
the one you put your baby in. You've got this man's bull-pup, he's
got your baby; and I wouldn't like to say off-hand at this moment
which of you's feeling the madder. As likely as not, he thinks
you've done it on purpose.”
He leant his head against the bed-post and groaned. “Milly may
be here at any moment,” says he, “and I'll have to tell her the
baby's been sent by mistake to a Dog Show! I daresn't do it,” he
says, “I daresn't do it.”
“Go on to Birmingham,” I says, “and try and find it. You can catch
the quarter to six and be back here before eight.”
“Come with me,” he says; “you're a good man, come with me. I ain't
fit to go by myself.”
He was right; he'd have got run over outside the door, the state
he was in then.
“Well,” I says, “if the guv'nor don't object--”
“Oh! he won't, he can't,” cries the young fellow, wringing his
hands. “Tell him it's a matter of a life's happiness. Tell him--”
“I'll tell him it's a matter of half sovereign extra on to the
bill,” I says. “That'll more likely do the trick.”
And so it did, with the result that in another twenty minutes
me and young Milberry and the bull-pup in its hamper were in
a third-class carriage on our way to Birmingham. Then the
difficulties of the chase began to occur to me. Suppose by luck I
was right; suppose the pup was booked for the Birmingham Dog Show;
and suppose by a bit more luck a gent with a hamper answering
description had been noticed getting out of the 5.13 train; then
where were we? We might have to interview every cabman in the
town. As likely as not, by the time we did find the kid, it
wouldn't be worth the trouble of unpacking. Still, it wasn't my
cue to blab my thoughts. The father, poor fellow, was feeling, I
take it, just about as bad as he wanted to feel. My business was
to put hope into him; so when he asked me for about the twentieth
time if I thought as he would ever see his child alive again, I
snapped him up shortish.
“Don't you fret yourself about that,” I says. “You'll see a good
deal of that child before you've done with it. Babies ain't the
sort of things as gets lost easily. It's only on the stage that
folks ever have any particular use for other people's children.
I've known some bad characters in my time, but I'd have trusted
the worst of 'em with a wagon-load of other people's kids. Don't
you flatter yourself you're going to lose it! Whoever's got it,
you take it from me, his idea is to do the honest thing, and never
rest till he's succeeded in returning it to the rightful owner.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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