The Observations of Henry: IllustratedJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
The Observations of Henry: Illustrated
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English; Waiters -- Fiction
I left the coffee shop later on for a place in the city, and
saw nothing more of them for five years. When I did it was at a
restaurant in Oxford Street--one of those amatoor shows run by a
lot of women, who know nothing about the business, and spend the
whole day gossiping and flirting--“love-shops,” I call 'em. There
was a yellow-haired lady manageress who never heard you when you
spoke to her, 'cause she was always trying to hear what some seedy
old fool would be whispering to her across the counter. Then there
were waitresses, and their notion of waiting was to spend an
hour talking to a twopenny cup of coffee, and to look haughty and
insulted whenever anybody as really wanted something ventured to
ask for it. A frizzle-haired cashier used to make love all day out
of her pigeon-hole with the two box-office boys from the Oxford
Music Hall, who took it turn and turn about. Sometimes she'd leave
off to take a customer's money, and sometimes she wouldn't. I've
been to some rummy places in my time; and a waiter ain't the blind
owl as he's supposed to be. But never in my life have I seen so
much love-making, not all at once, as used to go on in that place.
It was a dismal, gloomy sort of hole, and spoony couples seemed to
scent it out by instinct, and would spend hours there over a
pot of tea and assorted pastry. “Idyllic,” some folks would have
thought it: I used to get the fair dismals watching it. There was
one girl--a weird-looking creature, with red eyes and long thin
hands, that gave you the creeps to look at. She'd come in regular
with her young man, a pale-faced nervous sort of chap, at three
o'clock every afternoon. Theirs was the funniest love-making I
ever saw. She'd pinch him under the table, and run pins into
him, and he'd sit with his eyes glued on her as if she'd been a
steaming dish of steak and onions and he a starving beggar the
other side of the window. A strange story that was--as I came to
learn it later on. I'll tell you that, one day.
I'd been engaged for the “heavy work,” but as the heaviest order I
ever heard given there was for a cold ham and chicken, which I had
to slip out for to the nearest cook-shop, I must have been chiefly
useful from an ornamental point of view.
I'd been there about a fortnight, and was feeling pretty sick of
it, when in walked young “Kipper.” I didn't know him at first,
he'd changed so. He was swinging a silver-mounted crutch stick,
which was the kind that was fashionable just then, and was dressed
in a showy check suit and a white hat. But the thing that struck
me most was his gloves. I suppose I hadn't improved quite so much
myself, for he knew me in a moment, and held out his hand.
“What, 'Enery!” he says, “you've moved on, then!”
“Yes,” I says, shaking hands with him, “and I could move on again
from this shop without feeling sad. But you've got on a bit?” I
says.
“So-so,” he says, “I'm a journalist.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account