He reviewed his conduct throughout the evening. In what particular had
it been sinful? In no particular. True, the accident to the boy was a
misfortune, but had he not borne that misfortune lightly, minimised it,
and endeavoured to teach others to bear it lightly? His blithe humour
ought surely to have been an example to Nellie! And as for the episode
of the funeral march on the "Pianisto," really, really, the tiresome
little thing ought to have better appreciated his whimsical drollery!
But Nellie was altered; he was altered; everything was altered. He
remembered the ecstasy of their excursion to Switzerland. He remembered
the rapture with which, on their honeymoon, he had clasped a new opal
bracelet on her exciting arm. He could not possibly have such sensations
now. What was the meaning of life? Was life worth living? The fact
was, he was growing old. Useless to pretend to himself that it was not
so. Both he and she were growing old. Only, she seemed to be placidly
content, and he was not content. And more and more the domestic
atmosphere and the atmosphere of the district fretted and even annoyed
him. To-night’s affair was not unique, but it was a culmination. He
gazed pessimistically north and south along the slimy expanse of
Trafalgar Road, which sank northwards in the direction of Dr.
Stirling’s, and southwards in the direction of joyous Hanbridge. He
loathed and despised Trafalgar Road. What was the use of making three
hundred and forty-one pounds by a shrewd speculation? None. He could
not employ three hundred and forty-one pounds to increase his happiness.
Money had become futile for him. Astounding thought! He desired no more
of it. He had a considerable income from investments, and also at least
four thousand a year from the Five Towns Universal Thrift Club, that
wonderful but unpretentious organisation which now embraced every corner
of the Five Towns; that gorgeous invention for profitably taking care of
the pennies of the working classes; that excellent device, his own, for
selling the working classes every kind of goods at credit prices after
having received part of the money in advance!
"I want a change!" he said to himself, and threw away his cigar.
After all, the bitterest thought in his heart was perhaps that on that
evening he had tried to be a "card," and, for the first time in his
brilliant career as a "card," had failed. He, Henry Machin, who had
been the youngest mayor of Bursley years and years ago; he, the
recognised amuser of the Five Towns; he, one of the greatest
"characters" that the Five Towns had ever produced--he had failed of an
effect!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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