I started from Missouri, The western part of Missouri, To ride to Nicodemus, To Nicodemus, Kansas, In the western part of Kansas; Not far from Happy, Kansas, In Graham County, Kansas . . . Across the State of Kansas I started in a flivver . . . A jolty little flivver with a rhythm rather jerky . . . Irregularly rhythmical, when rhythmical at all . . . I had to get to Nicodemus By noon on Saturday to pay the mortgage On a farm near Nicodemus, Graham County, Kansas, Belonging to a sweetheart who would otherwise be rooned Financially and so could not afford to marry me. . . . As I entered into Kansas, And crossed Miami County, At the town of Ossawatomie I received a telegraphic message From my love at Nicodemus. “Hasten with the money,” said the telegraphic message, “Hasten with the money you are bringing from my Uncle. From my Uncle Jethro, in Missouri, For the man that holds the mortgage, Banker Jasper Grinder, who holds the fiendish mortgage, Has said he will foreclose it And take away the homestead at noon on Saturday, Or else I'll have to marry him, To keep him from foreclosing, Marry Banker Jasper Grinder to keep him from foreclosing . . . I would hate to marry Grinder, But, on the other hand, I would hate to lose the whole alfalfa crop . . . Hasten with the money, From my Uncle Jethro, Hasten to your true love, Miss Elvira Simpkins, At Nicodemus, Kansas.” Three hundred miles away Was Nicodemus, Kansas, Nicodemus, Graham County, Not so far from Happy, Kansas Could I do it in a flivver In ten hours? from Ossawatomie I started with a burst of speed, That carried me to Quenemo, To Quenemo, in Osage County, Kansas, At the rate of forty miles an hour . . . At a garage in Quenemo I paused for gasolene, At Quenemo, in Osage County, Kansas . . . But the man that ran the place With shrill bucolic snicker Said: “There ain't no gasolene! The gasolene in Kansas Has all been took and contrabanded, Leastways, commandeered, Just one hour ago, By order of the Governor, The Governor of Kansas, On account of military operations “... No gasolene in Kansas! And three hundred miles away my love, My love, Elvira Simpkins, Was waiting for the money I had got from Uncle Jethro To save the home at Nicodemus From the clutch of Jasper Grinder! “I will telegraph the money!” I shouted With a flash of inspiration. . . But the station agent told me, “There ain't no telegraph nor nothing Runs into Nicodemus, To Nicodemus, Kansas. As fur as I can see in this here book!” And I looked at the wire from Elvira again