The Orpheus C. Kerr Papers, Series 3Newell, R. H. (Robert Henry)
History
The Orpheus C. Kerr Papers, Series 3
Newell, R. H. (Robert Henry)
United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
But, to return to the giants and the pins; the absence of all giants in
the way of events for the past week has induced me to take note of the
pins; and close observation of a few of the latter induces me to
believe that a strong Union feeling is beginning to be developed
amongst the loyal masses of the North. For instance: one of the
passengers in one of the street-cars of Paris, the other day, was a
venerable man of ninety-three years and seven months, who sat quietly
between two lady-passengers, eating roast chestnuts, and permitting the
shells to fall upon their laps. Upon his hoary locks rested a white
hat, well worn and mashed-in with time; his once light overcoat
buttoned close to his throat, represented a drawn battle between grease
spots and torn places; his venerable lower members were encased in blue
overalls, somewhat shaded about the knees; and the large feet, resting
easily upon the cushions of the opposite seat of the car, wore one
slipper and one disabled boot. With the exception of a scarcely heard
hiccup between every two chestnuts that he ate, not a sound was emitted
by this venerable and striking figure as he sat there thus
unobtrusively in a public car, like any ordinary passenger.
Presently, a young and boisterous lieutenant, vain of his new regimentals,
and full of the airs of a new Jack-in-office, entered the car, and
egotistically attempted to make his way to a seat. A faint hiccup
saluted his ear, and, looking down, he found his way barred by the aged
legs of the venerable stranger, whose feet were upon the opposite
cushions.
"Let me pass, old man?" says the vain youngster, with the smart air of
one who wishes to get to his seat.
The venerable stranger hardly raised his stern old eyes at the flippant
remark, but ate another chestnut, as though no one had spoken.
"Come, my friend," says the conceited stripling, with fresh arrogance,
"Be kind enough to move for a moment. I am Colonel P----."
In an instant, the aged frame sprang to his feet, opened all the
windows, turned the conductor out of the car, locked the doors, mashed
his hat down over his eyes, and frantically tearing open his
dilapidated overcoat, displayed _the star of a major-general_!
In an instant, the newly-fledged colonel lost all his knowing
braggadocio, and cowered before the glorious old veteran, like a cowed
cur (female of a bull-dog).
"Wr-r-r-etch!" exclaimed the hoary commander, in tones of thunder,
relieved with the vivid lightning of a hiccup, "Do you know _me_!"
The abashed young boaster could only bow his head in shame, and took
the first opportunity to dash himself from the vehicle wherein he had
been taught such a lesson. And this should teach us all, my boy, that
bad clothes are not always a sure sign of the wearer being only a
reporter for the _Tribune_; nor do the ordinary symptoms of
intoxication always indicate that the possessor lacks high rank in our
national army.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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