LORD WILLIAM: We tried to talk about other things, but you have a way of making conversation into a boomerang. ANN: I am afraid you can’t have said nice things, or the conversation would have died out very quickly. MOLYNEUX: We said that you were unique, good, and yet adored by us all. LORD WILLIAM: Molly said that. Whenever anyone describes a conversation, they always repeat their own remarks. ANN: What did you say, Uncle Bill? LORD WILLIAM: I said that as far as you were concerned, winning the war had done us no good at all, that your life was becoming a perfect slum of good works. We all feel that we are between the Scylla of Whitechapel and the Charybdis of the County. SELINA: We must tell Ninian that the County has been rechristened Charybdis. The Lord Lieutenant of Charybdis—what a magnificent title! ANN: In reality, as you know, I am an altogether self-indulgent woman. MRS. MARTINEAU: You are so charming, Ann darling, that you entangle other people’s selfishness—to be self-sacrificing is useless. The essential thing is to receive the egotism of others on deposit. ANN: I know that you are all shamefully nice to me, and the result is that I spend the whole time with you when I ought to be talking to the vicar or calling on Lady Bootle. LORD WILLIAM: How is the dear old vicar? ANN: Very well. MRS. MARTINEAU: And Mrs. Sidebotham? ANN: She prefers it to be pronounced Si_de_botham. MRS. MARTINEAU: And being very properly called Amy, she spells it Aimee. LADY EMILY: She still believes in the aristocracy. So lucky. MOLYNEUX: Faith is the substance of things hoped for. ANN: Do you think she is as complicated as that? LADY EMILY: She asked me after William, saying, “Your dear brother will have his little joke.” LORD WILLIAM: Couldn’t you explain to her, Ann, that my jokes are large and monumental, and world-famous? ANN: I don’t think she would understand. To Mrs. Si_de_botham all jokes are “little jokes,”—household pets in fact. LORD WILLIAM: Personally, I prefer the dear vicar to his wife. Can’t you give me any news of him? ANN: He is such a kind man—just as high as ever, calling the Church of England the Catholic Church, with a long “a,” and he knows that Christ was a Jew. LADY EMILY: Did you tell him? ANN: I don’t think so. LADY EMILY: Well, he couldn’t have heard it from Ninian. SELINA: I hated him when I was a child. He always said “How are _we_ this morning?” And I never could abide the medical touch in private life. MOLYNEUX: Ann, you are very stingy of the County news, which, however much we may try to conceal it, really thrills us. How is Lady Bootle? ANN: Very rich. LORD WILLIAM: I don’t like her wig. MRS. MARTINEAU: Why do wigs always calumniate hair? ANN: You will see them all at dinner to-morrow.