England -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Teachers -- Fiction
Walking along the promenade to the beach kinema he solemnly reviewed his
life. He saw kaleidoscopically his childhood days at Beachings Over,
then the interludes at Harrow and Cambridge, and then the sudden
tremendous plunge--Millstead! It seemed to him that ever since that
glowering April afternoon when he had first stepped into Ervine's dark
study, events had been shaping themselves relentlessly to his ruin. He
could see himself as a mere automaton, moved upon by the calm accurate
fingers of fate. His meeting with Helen, his love of her and hers for
him, their marriage, their slow infinitely wearisome estrangement--all
seemed as if it had been planned with sinister deliberation. Only one
section of his life had been dominated by his own free will, and that
was the part of it that had to do with Clare. He pondered over the
subtle differentiation, and decided at last that it was invalid, and
that fate had operated at least as much with Clare as with Helen. And
yet, for all that, the distinction remained in his mind. His life with
Helen seemed to press him down, to cramp him in a narrow groove, to
deprive him of all self-determination; it was only when he came to Clare
that he was free again and could do as he liked. Surely it was he
himself, and not fate, that drew him joyously to Clare.
The mist that had hovered over Seacliffe all day was now magically
lifted, and out of a clear sky there shone a moon with the slightest of
yellow haloes encircling it. The promenade was nearly deserted, and in
all the tall cliff of boarding-houses along the Marine Parade there was
hardly a window with a light in it. The solitary redness of the lamp on
the end of the pier sent a soft shimmer over the intervening water; the
sea, at almost high tide, was quite calm. Hardly a murmur of the waves
reached his ears as he strolled briskly along, but that was because they
were right up against the stone wall of the promenade and had no beach
of pebbles to be noisy with. He leaned over the railings and saw the
water immediately beneath him, silvered in moonlight. Seacliffe was
beautiful now.... Then he looked ahead and saw the garish illuminations
of the solitary picture-palace that Seacliffe possessed, and he wondered
how Helen or anybody could prefer a kinema entertainment to the glory of
the night outside. And yet, he reflected, the glory of the night was a
subjective business; it required a certain mood; whereas the kinema
created its own mood, asking and requiring nothing. Poor Helen!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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