FIRST PHILANTHROPIST: "Cannot we start a society for the employment of the poor Russian Jews?" SECOND DITTO: "Well, you see, what could they do? You know that they can't speak English." FIRST DITTO: "Oh, get them something to do on the railway, to call out the names of the stations, for instance."] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN MR. ARTHUR ROBERTS] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: OUR CLIMATE "Look here, that barometer you sold me a month ago has got out of order, it won't work." "Well, you see, sir, look what a lot of wear and tear 'e's 'ad lately."] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN SIR GEORGE NEWNES] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: CHEEK URCHIN: "Hi, governor, remember the warning afore yer starts!"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN SIR GEORGE DIBBS] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: INFORMATION WANTED FAT PARTY: "Say, boy, do my boots want cleaning?"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN MR. HORACE SEDGER] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: FRENCH, AS SHE IS SPOKE FRENCH PROFESSOR: "How would you pronounce t-o-u-t-a-f-a-i-t?" PUPIL: "Totty Fay."] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN THE MARQUIS OF QUEENSBERRY] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: HARD LINES DAY POLICEMAN: (_relieving night-man_): "How's the missus?" NIGHT POLICEMAN: "I don't know. 'Aven't seen her for ten years." DAY POLICEMAN: "But ye're living together, aren't yer?" NIGHT POLICEMAN: "Yes, but she's a charwoman, an' is out all day, an' I'm out all night. So we've never met since we came back from our honeymoon."] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN MR. W. T. STEAD] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: MUTUAL CONSIDERATION ART CRITIC: "What do you think of Alma Cadmium's painting?" ARTIST: "Oh, I think it is superb." ART CRITIC: "I'm surprised to hear you say that. _He_ says just the reverse of yours." ARTIST: "Ah, well, perhaps we're both mistaken!"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN MR. WILLIAM MORRIS] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: BRITONS IN PARIS FIRST ENGLISHMAN: "Where shall we go?" SECOND ENGLISHMAN (_who does not know that 'relâche' means that the piece is taken off_): "Let's go to the Eden and see 'Relâche'!"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN SIR HENRY PARKES] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: READY FOR THE BALL "Phwell and phwat do ye think of me, darlint?" "Shure ye look jist illigent, but I phwish it wur a mask ball!"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN LORD DUFFERIN] ---------------------------------------