THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: PRO BONO PUBLICO DISCONTENTED ARTIST: "I wish I had a fortune. I would never paint again." GENEROUS "BROTHER-BRUSH": "By Jove, old man, I wish _I_ had one. I'd give it to you!"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN THE DUKE OF FIFE] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ACCOMMODATING CUSTOMER: "I want a respirator, please." CHEMIST: "I'm afraid, sir, we haven't one your size in stock, but if you will wait until I go and get a tape-measure, I will get you one made!"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN THE GERMAN EMPEROR] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: AT A PROVINCIAL BANQUET FLUNKEY: "Excuse me, mum, but the banquet has commenced, and I can't admit you. Them's my orders." SHE: "But the Mayor is here, isn't he?" FLUNKEY: "Oh, yes, he's here right enough." SHE: "Well, but I'm his lady." FLUNKEY: "It makes no difference, mum; I couldn't admit you if you were his wife."] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN THE DUC D'ORLEANS] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ALL THE DIFFERENCE BARMAID: "I beg pardon, I have taken twopence too much. I didn't know you were an actor. I thought you were only a gentleman!"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: THREE MEN IN A BOOT] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: A FRIEND IN NEED INVALID: "I sometimes feel inclined to blow my brains out." FRIEND: "I shouldn't advise you to try it, old chap, you know you're a bad shot, and there's nothing much to aim at!"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: COUSIN JANE: "I want ma to have her portrait painted. Who would you recommend?" COUSIN GEORGE: "Stacy Marks."] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN MRS. BESANT] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: AN UPRIGHT COURSE PARSON: "Tell me, my good man, do you know the way to heaven?" OLD CANTANKEROUS (_who doesn't like parsons_): "Well, I sh'd think if you was to follow your nose, it 'ud be a short cut!"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN MR. HENRY GEORGE] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: A BENEVOLENT CONNOISSEUR "You are!"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN SIR CHARLES EWAN SMITH] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE SANDS MACHINE MAN (_to bather who has been complaining that he was not taken out far enough_): "Why, lor bless yer, Sir, I once know'd a man who could dive in two foot of water." BATHER: "And where's he buried?"] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: ON THE BRAIN MR. GEORGE GROSSMITH] --------------------------------------- [Illustration: WOMANLY