The Philosopher's JokeJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Philosophy
The Philosopher's Joke
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Fiction; Short stories
"I heard something about it at the time," said Mrs. Armitage. "You were
very much in love with somebody else, were you not?"
"Is not the conversation assuming a rather dangerous direction?" laughed
Mrs. Camelford.
"I was thinking the same thing," agreed Mrs. Everett. "One would imagine
some strange influence had seized upon us, forcing us to speak our
thoughts aloud."
"I am afraid I was the original culprit," admitted the Reverend
Nathaniel. "This room is becoming quite oppressive. Had we not better go
to bed?"
The ancient lamp suspended from its smoke-grimed beam uttered a faint,
gurgling sob, and spluttered out. The shadow of the old Cathedral
tower crept in and stretched across the room, now illuminated only by
occasional beams from the cloud-curtained moon. At the other end of the
table sat a peak-faced little gentleman, clean-shaven, in full-bottomed
wig.
"Forgive me," said the little gentleman. He spoke in English, with a
strong accent. "But it seems to me here is a case where two parties
might be of service to one another."
The six fellow-travellers round the table looked at one another, but
none spoke. The idea that came to each of them, as they explained to
one another later, was that without remembering it they had taken their
candles and had gone to bed. This was surely a dream.
"It would greatly assist me," continued the little peak-faced gentleman,
"in experiments I am conducting into the phenomena of human tendencies,
if you would allow me to put your lives back twenty years."
Still no one of the six replied. It seemed to them that the little
old gentleman must have been sitting there among them all the time,
unnoticed by them.
"Judging from your talk this evening," continued the peak-faced little
gentleman, "you should welcome my offer. You appear to me to be one and
all of exceptional intelligence. You perceive the mistakes that you have
made: you understand the causes. The future veiled, you could not help
yourselves. What I propose to do is to put you back twenty years.
You will be boys and girls again, but with this difference: that the
knowledge of the future, so far as it relates to yourselves, will remain
with you.
"Come," urged the old gentleman, "the thing is quite simple of
accomplishment. As--as a certain philosopher has clearly proved: the
universe is only the result of our own perceptions. By what may appear
to you to be magic--by what in reality will be simply a chemical
operation--I remove from your memory the events of the last twenty
years, with the exception of what immediately concerns your own
personalities. You will retain all knowledge of the changes, physical
and mental, that will be in store for you; all else will pass from your
perception."
The little old gentleman took a small phial from his waistcoat pocket,
and, filling one of the massive wine-glasses from a decanter, measured
into it some half-a-dozen drops. Then he placed the glass in the centre
of the table.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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