The Philosopher's JokeJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Philosophy
The Philosopher's Joke
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Fiction; Short stories
"Oh, why may one not sometimes speak the truth?" answered his wife
petulantly. "You and I are utterly unsuited to one another--everybody
sees it. At nineteen it seemed to me beautiful, holy, the idea of being
a clergyman's wife, fighting by his side against evil. Besides, you have
changed since then. You were human, my dear Nat, in those days, and
the best dancer I had ever met. It was your dancing was your chief
attraction for me as likely as not, if I had only known myself. At
nineteen how can one know oneself?"
"We loved each other," the Rev. Armitage reminded her.
"I know we did, passionately--then; but we don't now." She laughed a
little bitterly. "Poor Nat! I am only another trial added to your
long list. Your beliefs, your ideals are meaningless to me--mere
narrow-minded dogmas, stifling thought. Nellie was the wife Nature had
intended for you, so soon as she had lost her beauty and with it all her
worldly ideas. Fate was maturing her for you, if only we had known.
As for me, I ought to have been the wife of an artist, of a poet."
Unconsciously a glance from her ever restless eyes flashed across the
table to where Horatio Camelford sat, puffing clouds of smoke into
the air from a huge black meerschaum pipe. "Bohemia is my country. Its
poverty, its struggle would have been a joy to me. Breathing its free
air, life would have been worth living."
Horatio Camelford leant back with eyes fixed on the oaken ceiling. "It
is a mistake," said Horatio Camelford, "for the artist ever to marry."
The handsome Mrs. Camelford laughed good-naturedly. "The artist,"
remarked Mrs. Camelford, "from what I have seen of him would never know
the inside of his shirt from the outside if his wife was not there to
take it out of the drawer and put it over his head."
"His wearing it inside out would not make much difference to the world,"
argued her husband. "The sacrifice of his art to the necessity of
keeping his wife and family does."
"Well, you at all events do not appear to have sacrificed much, my boy,"
came the breezy voice of Dick Everett. "Why, all the world is ringing
with your name."
"When I am forty-one, with all the best years of my life behind me,"
answered the Poet. "Speaking as a man, I have nothing to regret. No one
could have had a better wife; my children are charming. I have lived
the peaceful existence of the successful citizen. Had I been true to my
trust I should have gone out into the wilderness, the only possible
home of the teacher, the prophet. The artist is the bridegroom of Art.
Marriage for him is an immorality. Had I my time again I should remain a
bachelor."
"Time brings its revenges, you see," laughed Mrs. Camelford. "At twenty
that fellow threatened to commit suicide if I would not marry him, and
cordially disliking him I consented. Now twenty years later, when I am
just getting used to him, he calmly turns round and says he would have
been better without me."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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