The mental disturbance which our young painter experienced at that
moment was due to two causes, one an absurd sort of jealousy, which had
taken possession of him like an attack of fever, with respect to
Princess Agatha; the other, a feeling of disquiet, because he had failed
to obtain that noble person's approval of his paintings. Of course it
was not mere love of gain, the desire to be paid more or less
handsomely, which worked upon him thus. So long as he had been engrossed
by the fever of production, he had given very little thought to the
subject of the signora's personal opinion; he had thought only of
succeeding, of satisfying himself; then, having almost succeeded in his
own eyes, and having not as yet seen his mysterious patroness, he had
wondered, with more hope than alarm, whether he should find enough
enlightened judges in that province to establish his reputation upon an
undertaking of that sort. In short, he had had so much to do up to the
last moment that he had not had time to analyze his anxiety.
When he was quite alone, he found that he was strangely disturbed by the
knowledge that people were passing judgment on his work, and that he
could not be there. What prevented him? No orders related to his humble
position in society, but a poignant false shame, which he did not feel
the strength to overcome.
And yet Michel was not cowardly, either as a man or as an artist.
Despite his youth he had already reflected deeply concerning his future
prospects, and he had already reviewed concisely enough the list of
successes and reverses connected with his destiny. Feeling that he was
seized with faint-heartedness at the outset, he was surprised, and tried
to fight against himself. But the more he questioned himself, the more
fully he recognized his weakness, but would not avow its cause.
Therefore we will give the reader that information.
At the bottom of this depression and alarm there lay a feeling of
uncertainty as to the opinion the princess had formed concerning him.
Pier-Angelo had told him that morning that during Sunday her highness
had inspected the ball-room; but that, as he was not present, he did not
know what she had said. Master Barbagallo, being in ill-humor because of
the numerous vexations attendant upon the fête, had spoken very coldly
to him on the subject, but had not said that the princess seemed
dissatisfied or that she criticised anything. Whereupon honest
Pier-Angelo had added, with his usual confidence: "Never fear, she knows
what is what. It is impossible that she should not be satisfied beyond
what she expected." Michel had surrendered to that confidence without
paying much heed to the question whether it was justified. He had said
to himself that, even if the princess were not a connoisseur, there
would soon be enough connoisseurs about her to guide her judgment.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account