The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur SymonsDowson, Ernest Christopher
General
The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur Symons
Dowson, Ernest Christopher
Authors, English; English poetry
'You know she is not dead, Sebastian,' he said simply. Then he added
very quietly as one breaks supreme bad tidings, 'I must tell you
something which I fear you have not realised. The Catholic Church does
not recognise divorce. If she marry you and find out, rightly or
wrongly, she will believe that she has been living in sin; some day
she will find it out. No damnable secret like that keeps itself for
ever: an old newspaper, a chance remark from one of your dear friends,
and the deluge. Do you see the tragedy, the misery of it? By God,
Sebastian, to save you both somebody shall tell her; and if it be not
you, it must be I.'
There was extremest peace in the quiet square; the houses seemed
sleepy at last, after a day of exhausting tranquillity, and the
chestnuts, under which a few children, with tangled hair and fair
dirty faces, still played. The last glow of the sun fell on the gray
roofs opposite; dying hard it seemed over the street in which the
Mitouards lived; and they heard suddenly the tinkle of an _Angelus_
bell. Very placid! the place and the few peasants in their pictorial
hats and caps who lingered. Only the two Englishmen sitting, their
glasses empty, and their smoking over, looking out on it all with
their anxious faces, brought in a contrasting note of modern life; of
the complex aching life of cities, with its troubles and its
difficulties.
'Is that your final word, Tregellan?' asked the artist at last, a
little wearily.
'It must be, Sebastian! Believe me, I am infinitely sorry.'
'Yes, of course,' he answered quickly, acidly; 'well, I will sleep
on it.'
III
They made their first breakfast in an almost total silence; both wore
the bruised harassed air which tells of a night passed without benefit
of sleep. Immediately afterwards Murch went out alone: Tregellan could
guess the direction of his visit, but not its object; he wondered if
the artist was making his difficult confession. Presently they brought
him in a pencilled note; he recognised, with some surprise, his
friend's tortuous hand.
'I have considered our conversation, and your unjustifiable
interference. I am entirely in your hands: at the mercy of your
extraordinary notions of duty. Tell her what you will, if you must;
and pave the way to your own success. I shall say nothing; but I swear
you love the girl yourself; and are no right arbiter here. Sebastian
Murch.'
He read the note through twice before he grasped its purport; then sat
holding it in lax fingers, his face grown singularly gray.
'It's not true, it's not true,' he cried aloud, but a moment later
knew himself for a self-deceiver all along. Never had
self-consciousness been more sudden, unexpected, or complete. There
was no more to do or say; this knowledge tied his hands. _Ite! missa
est!_...
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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