The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur SymonsDowson, Ernest Christopher
General
The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur Symons
Dowson, Ernest Christopher
Authors, English; English poetry
were successful, even those which seemed the wildest gambling: and the
most forlorn speculations turned round, and shewed a pretty harvest,
when Garth meddled with their stock.
And all the time he was waiting there, and scheming, at Agnas Blancas,
in a feverish concentration of himself upon his ultimate reunion with
the girl at home, the man was growing old: gradually at first, and
insensibly; but towards the end, by leaps and starts, with an
increasing consciousness of how he aged and altered, which did but
feed his black melancholy. It was borne upon him, perhaps, a little
brutally, and not by direct self-examination, when there came another
photograph from England. A beautiful face still, but certainly the
face of a woman, who had passed from the grace of girlhood (seven
years now separated her from it), to a dignity touched with sadness: a
face, upon which life had already written some of its cruelties. For
many days after this arrival, Garth was silent and moody, even beyond
his wont: then he studiously concealed it. He threw himself again
furiously into his economic battle; he had gone back to the
inspiration of that other, older portrait: the charming, oval face of
a young girl, almost a child, with great eyes, that one guessed one
knew not why, to be the colour of violets.
As the time of our departure approached, a week or two before we had
gone down to Valparaiso, where Garth had business to wind up, I was
enabled to study more intimately the morbid demon which possessed him.
It was the most singular thing in the world: no man had hated the
country more, had been more passionately determined for a period of
years to escape from it; and now that his chance was come the emotion
with which he viewed it was nearer akin to terror than to the joy of a
reasonable man who is about to compass the desire of his life. He had
kept the covenant which he had made with himself; he was a rich man,
richer than he had ever meant to be. Even now he was full of vigour,
and not much past the threshold of middle age, and he was going home
to the woman whom for the best part of fifteen years he had adored
with an unexampled constancy, whose fidelity had been to him all
through that exile as the shadow of a rock in a desert land: he was
going home to an honourable marriage. But withal he was a man with an
incurable sadness; miserable and afraid. It seemed to me at times that
he would have been glad if she had kept her troth less well, had only
availed herself of that freedom which he gave her, to disregard her
promise. And this was the more strange in that I never doubted the
strength of his attachment; it remained engrossing and unchanged, the
largest part of his life. No alien shadow had ever come between him
and the memory of the little girl with the violet eyes, to whom he at
least was bound. But a shadow was there; fantastic it seemed to me at
first, too grotesque to be met with argument, but in whose very lack
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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