The Politeness of Princes, and Other School StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Politeness of Princes, and Other School Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Schools -- Fiction
A week from the date of the above conversation, everyone in the
school, with the exception of the prefects and the sixth form, found
in his desk on arriving at his form-room a printed slip of paper.
(Spiking, the stationer in the High Street, had printed it.) It was
nothing less than the prospectus of the new Trust. It set forth in
glowing terms the advantages offered by the agency. Dunstable had
written it--he had a certain amount of skill with his pen--and Linton
had suggested subtle and captivating additions. The whole presented
rather a striking appearance.
The document was headed with the name of the Trust in large letters.
Under this came a number of "scare headlines" such as:
SEE WHAT YOU SAVE!
NO MORE WORRY!
PEACE, PERFECT PEACE!
WHY DO LINES WHEN WE DO THEM
FOR YOU?
Then came the real prospectus:
The Locksley Lines Supplying Trust, Ltd. has been instituted to
meet the growing demand for lines and other impositions. While
there are masters at our public schools there will always be lines.
At Locksley the crop of masters has always flourished--and still
flourishes--very rankly, and the demand for lines has greatly taxed
the powers of those to whom has been assigned the task of supplying
them.
It is for the purpose of affording relief to these that the Lines
Trust has been formed. It is proposed that all orders for lines
shall be supplied out of our vast stock. Our charges are moderate,
and vary between threepence and sixpence per hundred lines. The
higher charge is made for Greek impositions, which, for obvious
reasons, entail a greater degree of labour on our large and
efficient staff of writers.
All orders, which will be promptly executed, should be forwarded to
Mr. P. A. Dunstable, 6 College Grounds, Locksley, or to Mr. C. J.
Linton, 10 College Grounds, Locksley. _Payment must be inclosed
with order, or the latter will not be executed._ Under no
conditions will notes of hand or cheques be accepted as legal
tender. There is no trust about us except the name.
Come in your thousands. We have lines for all. If the Trust's
stock of lines were to be placed end to end it would reach part
of the way to London. "You pay the threepence. We do the rest."
Then a blank space, after which came a few "unsolicited testimonials":
"Lower Fifth" writes: "I was set two hundred lines of Virgil on
Saturday last at one o'clock. Having laid in a supply from your
agency I was enabled to show them up at five minutes past one.
The master who gave me the commission was unable to restrain his
admiration at the rapidity and neatness of my work. You may make
what use of this you please."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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