HUMPHRY. [_Mimicking her._] What an unfaithless trollop! She's got to be very vartuous since she's liv'd in town, but vartue is but skin deep, as the saying is:--wou'dn't even let me kiss her;--I meant nothing but the genteel thing neither,--all in an honest way. I wonder what she can see in that clumsy booby's face, for to take his part, sooner than I!--but I'll go buy a new coat and breeches, and get my head fricaseed, and my beard comb'd a little, and then I'll cut a dash with the best on 'em. I'll go see where that ill-looking fellow stays with the ale. [_Exit._ _End of the Second Act._ ACT III. SCENE I. _A Barber's Shop._ _HUMPHRY in new clothes, reading a newspaper.--TOUPEE shaving him._ HUMPHRY. Pray now, master barber, what does Constitution mean? I hears so many people a quarrelling about it,--I wish I cou'd get somebody to give me the exclamation of it; here it is among the news too. It's spelt C, O, N, con--S, T, I, sti--consti--T, U, tu--constitu--T, I, ti--constituti--O, N, on--con-sti-tu-ti-on,--but your city folks calls it Constitushon; they've got such a queer pronouncication. TOUPEE. Vat you please, sare? HUMPHRY. Yes, it pleases me well enough; I only want to know what it magnifies. TOUPEE. Je ne vous entens pas, monsieur. HUMPHRY. Why, what outlandish dialogue is that you're a talking? I can't understand your lingo as well as the Schoolmaster's, with his monstrous memorandums, and his ignorant mouses. TOUPEE. You be 'quainted with monsieur de Schoolmastare, monsieur? HUMPHRY. Yes, mounsieur; he and the consumptive old gentleman, old what's his name, was a wrangling about that confounded name that I was axing you about;--caw--con--[_Looks at the paper._] aye, Constitution. TOUPEE. Dat Constitution is no bon;--de Schoolmastare vas strike me for dat. By gar, I get de satisfaction! HUMPHRY. He talks as crooked as a Guinea niger. [_Aside._ TOUPEE. He vas call me--ah, le diable!--block; dis--[_Points to his head._] blockhead, oui, blockhead. HUMPHRY. If you've got a mind, I'll lather him for you. TOUPEE. Yes; den I vill lader you for nothing. HUMPHRY. You lather me for nothing?--I'll lather you for less yet, you barber-looking-- TOUPEE. No, no; me lader you so. [_Lathers HUMPHRY'S face._ HUMPHRY. Oh, with soap-suds, you mean:--I ax pardon, mounsieur; I thought how you was a going for to lather me without soap-suds or razor, as the old proverb is. TOUPEE. Dat is no possible, monsieur. HUMPHRY. I believe not; you shou'd be shav'd as clean as a whistle, if you was; 'faith should you. TOUPEE. Yes, I will shave you very clean;--here is de bon razor for shave de beard. [_Draws the razor over the back of HUMPHRY'S hand, to shew him it can cut a hair._]