TRUEMAN. Fight me!--Oh, grovelling idea! Wit-forsaken progeny of a more than soporific pericranium! Fight me!--Hear and be astonished, O Cicero, Demosthenes, Socrates, Plato, Seneca, Aristotle,-- HUMPHRY. Oh, for shame!--Do you read Haristotle? TRUEMAN. Be it known to thee, thou monstrous mass of ignorance, if such an uninformed clod, dull and heavy as that element to which it must trace its origin, can comprehend these very obvious and palpable truths, expressed in the most plain, simple, easy, unscholastic diction.--I repeat again, that you may apprehend me with the greater perspicuity and facility,--be it known to thee, that those immaculate sages would have died rather than have used such an expression; by the dignity of my profession, they would:--'tis true that the ancients had such things as single combats among the Olympic games, and they were always performed by the populace; but such a fight, alias a tilt, a tournament, a wrestle, could not, according to the rule of right, and the eternal fitness and aptitude of things, be properly denominated a _bona fide_ fight; for, as I before observed, it was _ipso facto_, a game, an Olympic game.--Olympic, from Olympus. HUMPHRY. Pray now, Mr. Schoolmaster, if a body mought be so bold, what do you think of the last war? Does your Schoolmastership think how that was a fona bide fight? TRUEMAN. You are immensely illiterate; but I will reply to your interrogatory.--My opinion of the late war, is as follows, to wit.--_Imprimis._ The Americans were wise, brave and virtuous to struggle for that liberty, independence and happiness, which the new government will now render secure. _Item._ The Americans were prodigious fortunate to obtain the said liberty, independence and happiness. A war, encounter, combat, or, if you please, fight like this, is great and glorious; it will immortalize the name of the renowned WASHINGTON,--more than that of Cincinnatus, Achilles, Æneas, Alexander the Great, Scipio, Gustavus Vasa, Mark Anthony, Kouli Khan, Cæsar or Pompey. HUMPHRY. Cæsar and Pompey! Why them is nigers' names. TRUEMAN. _O tempora! O mores!_ HUMPHRY. He talks Greek like a Trojan.--Tempora mores;--I suppose how that's as much as to say, it was the temper of the Moors, that's the nigers, for to be call'd Cæsar and Pompey.--I guess how he can give me the exclamation of that plaguy word.--Con--let me see [_Spells it in the manner he did before._]--Please your worshipful reverence, Mr. Schoolmaster, what's Latin for Constitution?