The Pot Boiler: A Comedy in Four ActsSinclair, Upton
General
The Pot Boiler: A Comedy in Four Acts
Sinclair, Upton
Comedy plays
_Will (leaping up and flinging out his hands)._ Oh, my God! The
box-office! Have I got to slaughter my artistic instincts to feed
the greed of a box-office? For God's sake, Peggy, take this play and
write it to suit the taste of Broadway! Or shall I tear up the
darned stuff? _(Seizes Mss.)_
_Peggy (interfering)._ Will!
_Will._ I've got a play written, and you come and tell me to write
another. And when I take it to the manager, he'll tell me to write a
third. And his wife will read it, and I'll have to write a fourth!
And then there's the stage-manager--perhaps he has a wife too! Who
else, for the love of Mike?
_Peggy (laughing)._ Why there's the star, and the leading lady--in
this case you've got two actresses fighting for precedence, tearing
each other's eyes out over the question of dressing-rooms. Then
there's the press agent and the property-man, and the dramatic
editors of a dozen newspapers, who'll tell you next morning exactly
why your play fell flat. _(Puts her arms about him.)_ Will, dear,
don't be so impatient. Try to understand what I mean! Such a
frightfully depressing ending--everybody in the play has lost
everything!
_Will._ But that isn't so!
_Peggy._ Jack has lost his wager, and his quarter of a million
dollars--and his home!
_Will._ But see what he's gained.
_Peggy._ What?
_Will._ In the first place wisdom, and in the second a wife.
_Peggy._ Few people in the audience know anything about wisdom, and
everyone of them knows that he could buy a wife for less than a
quarter of a million dollars.
_Will._ That's all very well--for a funny line. But there's many a
man would give that much money to find a noble-hearted and faithful
and loving woman, who would stand by him through all the trials of
his life! I gave up more than a quarter of a million myself, and do
you suppose it ever occurs to me to regret the bargain? Do you
suppose I'd be willing to wipe you and Bill out of existence if I
could get my money back?
_Peggy (lays her hand, on his)._ Will, dear, that's very sweet of
you, but it's not the same in your play. In the first place, Bill
isn't Jack's child; and then Belle is dying. You see, you've told
such a dreadful story--
_Will (irritably)._ Don't tell me that all over again!
_Peggy._ Forgive me! You've got a headache, and you're worn out--we
oughtn't to try to argue now. You simply can't get this play right
while you're so over-wrought. Take a little time off, and rest and
get a fresh view of it.
_Will._ But we'll starve to death in the meantime!
_Peggy._ No, dear, we needn't. Let me go and get a job to tide us
over the trouble. So you can do your work without killing
yourself--please, dear, please!
_Will (in thought)._ Listen, Peggy. If we're going to make a break,
I've thought of something better.
_Peggy._ What is it?
_Will._ I'll go and see Dad.
_Peggy._ Oh, Will, you couldn't do that!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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