The Pot Boiler: A Comedy in Four ActsSinclair, Upton
General
The Pot Boiler: A Comedy in Four Acts
Sinclair, Upton
Comedy plays
_Jack._ Oh, cut it out, Bob! You give me a pain! Just because you
once put on hobo clothes and went out and knocked about with bums
for a year, you think you've a call to go around making yourself a
bore to every one you know!
_Bob._ Well, Jack, some things I saw made an impression on me and I
can't forget them. When I hear my glib young cousin who sits and
surveys life from the shelter of his father's income--when I hear
him making utterly silly assertions----
_Jack (angrily)._ What, for example?
_Bob._ The one you were making today--that if a man fails, it must
be his own fault.
_Jack._ I say there's a place in life for every man that's good for
anything.
_Bob._ I say that with things as they are at present, most men fail
of necessity.
_Jack._ They'd succeed if they only had nerve to try. There's plenty
of good jobs lying idle.
_Bob._ Oh, Jack, what rot!
_Jack._ By thunder, I'd like to show you!
_Bob._ We'd like to do all sorts of bold things--if only it weren't
too much trouble.
_Jack._ What should I do to prove it?
_Bob._ You couldn't prove it, Jack--it isn't true.
_Jack._ Suppose I wanted to _try_ to prove it? What should I do?
_Bob._ You're wasting my time, boy.
_Jack (to Jessie)._ You see! He won't even answer me!
_Jessie._ Answer him, Bob.
_Bob._ Just what do you want to prove, Jack?
_Jack._ That a man can get a job if he really wants it.
_Bob._ Well, suppose you get a job!
_Jessie._ That's too easy! Jack has a dozen jobs waiting for him
when he gets through college.
_Bob._ I don't mean for him to go on his father's name. Here--I'll
propose a test for you. Upstairs in my trunk is an old suit that I
wore when I went out and lived as a hobo. Put it on. Put on the torn
overcoat and the ragged hat. I was going to say empty your
pockets--but you needn't do that--there's nothing in the pockets. Go
out of here tonight, and make this bargain--that for six months you
won't tell a soul who you are, that you won't communicate with one
of your friends, nor use any of their influence. For six months
you'll shift for yourself and take what comes to you. And then you
can come back, and we'll see how far you've risen in the world. Also
we'll see whether you haven't changed some of your ideas! _(A
pause.)_
_Jack (in a low voice)._--That would satisfy you, would it?
_Bob._ Yes, that would satisfy me.
_Jack._ All right! By thunder--I'll go you! _(Starts away.)_
To-night!
_Jessie (horrified)._ Jack! You're out of your senses.
_Jack._ I'm not. I mean it. I'm tired of his jawing at me!
_Jessie (rushes to him)._ I won't hear of it!
_Jack._ I'm going to show him.
_Jessie (turns to Bob)._ I won't have my brother leave me!
_Bob._ Don't worry, Jessie. Your brother won't really go!
_Jack._ Yes, I will!
_Jessie (wildly)._ But Jack! It's time for your birthday-dinner!
_Bob._ We'll save the dinner and eat it cold. He'll be back in a day
or two.
_Jack._ You may spare your taunts, Bob.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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