The Prince and BettyWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Prince and Betty
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"But not by me, Mr. Pugh. The Republic certainly granted Mr. Scobell a
concession. But, when I came to the throne, it became necessary for him
to get a concession from me. I refused it. Hence the closed doors."
Mr. Archer-Cleeve once more. "But--" He paused. "Forgotten what I was
going to say," he said to the room at large.
Herr von Mandelbaum made some remark at the back of his throat, but was
ignored.
John spoke again.
"If you were a prince, Mr. Pugh, would you find it pleasant to be in
the pay of a gambling hell?"
"That is neither here nor--"
"On the contrary, it is, very much. I happen to have some self-respect.
I've only just found it out, it's true, but it's there all right. I
don't want to be a prince--take it from me, it's a much overrated
profession--but if I've got to be one, I'll specialize. I won't combine
it with being a bunco steerer on the side. As long as I am on the
throne, this high-toned crap-shooting will continue a back number."
"What say?" said the walrus.
"I said that, while I am on the throne here, people who feel it
necessary to chant 'Come, little seven!' must do it elsewhere."
"I don't understand you," said Mr. Pugh. "Your remarks are absolutely
unintelligible."
"Never mind. My actions speak for themselves. It doesn't matter how I
describe it--what it comes to is that the Casino is closed. You can
follow that? Mervo is no longer running wide open. The lid is on."
"Then let me tell you, sir--" Mr. Pugh brought a bony fist down with a
thump on the table--"that you are playing with fire. Understand me,
sir, we are not here to threaten. We are a peaceful deputation of
visitors. But I have observed your people, sir. I have watched them
narrowly. And let me tell you that you are walking on a volcano.
Already there are signs of grave discontent."
"Already!" cried John. "Already's good. I guess they call it going some
in this infernal country if they can keep awake long enough to take
action within a year after a thing has happened. I don't know if you
have any influence with the populace, Mr. Pugh--you seem a pretty warm
and important sort of person--but, if you have, do please ask them as a
favor to me to get a move on. It's no good saying that I'm walking on a
volcano. I'm from Missouri. I want to be shown. Let's see this volcano.
Bring it out and make it trot around."
"You may jest--"
"Who's jesting? I'm not. It's a mighty serious thing for me. I want to
get away. The only thing that's keeping me in this forsaken place is
this delay. These people are obviously going to fire me sooner or
later. Why on earth can't they do it at once?"
"What say?" said the walrus.
"You may well ask, Colonel," said Mr. Pugh, staring amazed at John.
"His Highness appears completely to have lost his senses."
The walrus looked at John as if expecting some demonstration of
practical insanity, but, finding him outwardly calm, closed his eyes
and nodded heavily again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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