London (England) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“Oh, I wish I could make you understand!” cried Lady Aurora, looking at
him with troubled, appealing eyes, as if he were unexpectedly
discouraging.
“After all, I do understand! Charity exists in your nature as a kind of
passion.”
“Yes, yes, it’s a kind of passion!” her ladyship repeated, eagerly,
very thankful for the word. “I don’t know whether it’s charity—I don’t
mean that. But whatever it is, it’s a passion—it’s my life—it’s all I
care for.” She hesitated a moment, as if there might be something
indecent in the confession, or dangerous in the recipient; and then,
evidently, she was mastered by the comfort of being able to justify
herself for an eccentricity that had excited notice, as well as by the
luxury of discharging her soul of a long accumulation of timid, sacred
sentiment. “Already, when I was fifteen years old, I wanted to sell all
I had and give to the poor. And ever since, I have wanted to do
something; it has seemed as if my heart would break if I shouldn’t be
able!”
Hyacinth was struck with a great respect, which, however, did not
prevent him (the words sounded patronising, even to himself) from
saying in a moment, “I suppose you are very religious.”
Lady Aurora looked away, into the thickening dusk, at the smutty
housetops, the blurred emanation, above the streets, of lamp-light. “I
don’t know—one has one’s ideas—some of them may be strange. I think a
great many clergymen do good, but there are others I don’t like at all.
I dare say we had too many, always, at home; my father likes them so
much. I think I have known too many bishops; I have had the church too
much on my back. I dare say they wouldn’t think at home, you know, that
one was quite what one ought to be; but of course they consider me very
odd, in every way, as there’s no doubt I am. I should tell you that I
don’t tell them everything; for what’s the use, when people don’t
understand? We are twelve at home, and eight of us are girls; and if
you think it’s so very splendid, and _she_ thinks so, I should like you
both to try it for a little! My father isn’t rich, and there is only
one of us married, and we are not at all handsome, and—oh, there are
all kinds of things,” the young woman went on, looking round at him an
instant, shyly but excitedly. “I don’t like society; and neither would
you if you were to see the kind there is in London—at least in some
parts,” Lady Aurora added, considerately. “I dare say you wouldn’t
believe all the humbuggery and the tiresomeness that one has to go
through. But I’ve got out of it; I do as I like, though it has been
rather a struggle. I have my liberty, and that is the greatest blessing
in life, except the reputation of being queer, and even a little mad,
which is a greater advantage still. I’m a little mad, you know; you
needn’t be surprised if you hear it. That’s because I stop in town when
they go into the country; all the autumn, all the winter, when there’s
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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