Female friendship -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Paris (France) -- Fiction; Women -- Fiction
In the lull which the formalities of the moment occasioned, it was
painfully borne in on Sonia that she had been too talkative. Her recent
rapid speech smote annoyingly on her ears; and when she recalled the
fact that she had done all the talking, and must have made an appearance
of almost vulgar chattiness, she felt humiliated and indignant. Was she
exposing her inward excitement to this quiet man, who was now giving
some low-toned instructions to the butler with a self-possession which
she suddenly envied? Feeling hurt and angry, she fell into utter
silence.
A constraint had fallen upon the party which was even more marked than
that which
[Illustration: “SONIA PASSED VERY NEAR HIM.”]
usually characterizes the first moments at a formal table. Sonia felt
that she would bite her tongue in two before she would speak again, and
Martha had a helpless sense that things were somehow going wrong. It was
Harold who broke the silence.
“Martha,” he said, “the princess will say, perhaps, what wine she
prefers.”
Sonia felt as if she hated him. He knew all her little aversions and
preferences as well as she knew them herself, and had ordered her
dinners and wines times out of number. How could he pretend that he had
never seen her before, with so much success as almost to impose upon
herself? Was it really a dream? Which was the dream, the past or the
present? How could he seem to be so indifferent, unless he really felt
so? Perhaps he was. That might be the simple explanation of what seemed
mysterious.
As these thoughts hurried through her mind while she made a pretense of
eating her soup, it suddenly occurred to her that her present complete
silence might look as odd as her former garrulousness. Harold, while
eating his dinner with apparent relish, was doing all the talking now,
but with how different a manner from hers! How quiet he was, and what
well-bred pauses interspersed his talk, and how agreeably he deferred to
Martha and herself, and brought them into it! She had come to this
dinner with the proudest confidence of being able to conform the
conditions about her absolutely to her will, and yet, in spite of
herself, she seemed to be sinking deeper and deeper every moment into
the slough of regret and self-reproach which she had come here to get
out of.
As the meal proceeded, her self-dissatisfaction increased, and
presently, with a feeling almost of panic, she realized that her conduct
must be so peculiar as to cause surprise to Martha, if not to her
brother. What interpretation would be put upon the sudden dumbness that
possessed her? A very obvious one occurred to her, which it filled her
with anger to think of, and she felt she must talk, must recover
herself, must do away with the impression of her present stupidity.
Martha, groping about for an agreeable topic, had mentioned the young
bridal couple, and a telegram which she had just received from them, and
that led her to some remarks about the wedding.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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