Humorous stories, English; Men -- Societies and clubs -- Fiction; Short stories, English
‘Hope not,’ said Feldane cheerfully. ‘But that’s what we’re going to
find out. We’re just putting in the smoke-test on this section.’
‘I see,’ said the policeman. ‘You ain’t from Mackworth’s, are you?’
‘Mackworth’s? Oh, no. We’re from Matthews and Byles, the sanitary
engineers at Vauxhall. Dare say you know the name.’
The policeman said he believed he’d heard it, and passed on. The game
had now definitely begun, and there was only one hour to play it in
and no time to be lost. A small car was approaching with a lady
driving. Feldane ran into the road, held up his hand, and stopped it.
‘Sorry, madam,’ he said to the lady, ‘but would you mind waiting just
for a few seconds? I’m sure you’ll understand. We’ve got an Erichsen’s
galvanometrical balance working in that hole, and the least vibration
would spoil the reading. We shan’t be a minute.’
‘Certainly,’ said the lady. ‘I know something of these delicate
instruments. What are you using it for?’
‘We’re from the Post Office Electrical Survey. There’s trouble with
the telegraph wires here that they can’t locate. Of course if iron
pyrites has been used in the construction of the road, that would
account for it. We’re looking into it. Bill,’ he called to Hesseltine,
‘what do you make it?’
Hesseltine examined the bottom of the hole. ‘Steady at two point
five,’ he called back.
‘Good. Let this car past, and then set a foot further in. Thank you
very much, madam.’
The unsuspecting lady drove on. Hesseltine sat down in the hole and
laughed. Jimmy glanced at his watch. ‘That’s two in under ten
minutes,’ he said. ‘If we can keep it up at anything like this rate,
we ought to do.’
But for some time after this passers-by proved curious but
unenterprising. They stared with the keenest interest at the
proceedings, but did not put in any inquiry. Then an elderly tramp
paused on his way into the town.
‘Water-main?’ he suggested.
‘Ay,’ said Jimmy.
‘All that work for a little water! Sooner you than me.’
Almost immediately afterwards a rather fussy and important little man
demanded to know what it was all about.
‘Gas,’ said Jimmy laconically.
‘There’s no gas-main in this road,’ snapped the little man.
‘No,’ said Jimmy. ‘Nor likely to be until we’ve took the level for the
pipes. Pass along, please.’
The little man said that it seemed hopeless to expect a civil answer
to a civil question nowadays, but he passed along. Jimmy again
consulted his watch.
‘Four in half an hour,’ he observed. ‘We can hardly miss it now.’
But fate was already on its way in the shape of a young,
newly-appointed, eager and suspicious policeman. He watched Jimmy and
Hesseltine for a minute or so in silence. Jimmy made an entry in a
pocket-book.
‘All right, Bill,’ said Jimmy to Hesseltine. ‘You can fill in again
now.’
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asked the policeman.
‘Rubberite Road Construction,’ said Jimmy. ‘They’re putting down an
experimental section here, and this is just the preliminary testing.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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