The Professor at the Breakfast-TableHolmes, Oliver Wendell
General
The Professor at the Breakfast-Table
Holmes, Oliver Wendell
American fiction -- 19th century; Conversation -- Fiction; Poetry
In order to know whether a human being is young or old, offer it food
of different kinds at short intervals. If young, it will eat anything
at any hour of the day or night. If old, it observes stated periods, and
you might as well attempt to regulate the time of highwater to suit
a fishing-party as to change these periods. The crucial experiment is
this. Offer a bulky and boggy bun to the suspected individual just ten
minutes before dinner. If this is eagerly accepted and devoured, the
fact of youth is established. If the subject of the question starts back
and expresses surprise and incredulity, as if you could not possibly be
in earnest, the fact of maturity is no less clear.
--Excuse me,--I return to my story of the Commons-table.--Young fellows
being always hungry, and tea and dry toast being the meagre fare of the
evening meal, it was a trick of some of the Boys to impale a slice of
meat upon a fork, at dinner-time, and stick the fork holding it beneath
the table, so that they could get it at tea-time. The dragons that
guarded this table of the Hesperides found out the trick at last, and
kept a sharp look-out for missing forks;--they knew where to find one,
if it was not in its place.--Now the odd thing was, that, after waiting
so many years to hear of this college trick, I should hear it mentioned
a second time within the same twenty-four hours by a college youth of
the present generation. Strange, but true. And so it has happened to me
and to every person, often and often, to be hit in rapid succession by
these twinned facts or thoughts, as if they were linked like chain-shot.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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