Doyle, Arthur Conan, 1859-1930 -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Fantasy fiction; Holmes, Sherlock (Fictitious character) -- Fiction
“I shall never yield to anything so undignified as seasickness, let me
tell you that,” retorted Xanthippe. “Furthermore, the proverb is not as
the lady has quoted it. ‘People who live in glass houses should not
throw stones’ is the proper version.”
“I was not quoting,” returned Mrs. Noah, calmly. “When I said that
people who live in glass houses should not throw dice, I meant precisely
what I said. People who live in glass houses should not take chances.
In assuming with such vainglorious positiveness that she will not be
seasick, the lady who has just spoken is giving tremendous odds, as the
boys used to say on the Ark when we gathered about the table at night and
began to make small wagers on the day’s run.”
“I think we had better suspend this discussion,” suggested Cleopatra.
“It is of no immediate interest to any one but Ophelia, and I fancy she
does not care to dwell upon it at any great length. It is more important
that we should decide upon our future course of action. In the first
place, the question is who these people up on deck are. If they are the
members of the club, we are all right. They will give us our scare, and
land us safely again at the pier. In that event it is our womanly duty
to manifest no concern, and to seem to be aware of nothing unusual in the
proceeding. It would never do to let them think that their joke has been
a good one. If, on the other hand, as I fear, we are the victims of some
horde of ruffians, who have pounced upon us unawares, and are going into
the business of abduction on a wholesale basis, we must meet treachery
with treachery, strategy with strategy. I, for one, am perfectly willing
to make every man on board walk the plank; having confidence in the
seawomanship of Mrs. Noah and her ability to steer us into port.”
“I am quite in accord with these views,” put in Madame Récamier, “and I
move you, Mrs. President, that we organize a series of sub-committees—one
on treachery, with Lucretia Borgia and Delilah as members; one on
strategy, consisting of Portia and Queen Elizabeth; one on navigation,
headed by Mrs. Noah; with a final sub-committee on reconnoitre, with
Cassandra to look forward, and Mrs. Lot to look aft—all of these
subordinated to a central committee of safety headed by Cleopatra and
Calpurnia. The rest of us can then commit ourselves and our interests
unreservedly to these ladies, and proceed to enjoy ourselves without
thought of the morrow.”
“I second the motion,” said Ophelia, “with the amendment that Madame
Récamier be appointed chair-lady of another sub-committee, on
entertainment.”
The amendment was accepted, and the motion put. It was carried with an
enthusiastic aye, and the organization was complete.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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