The Pursuit of the House-Boat: Being Some Further Account of the Divers Doings of the Associated Shades, under the Leadership of Sherlock Holmes, Esq.Bangs, John Kendrick
Science
The Pursuit of the House-Boat: Being Some Further Account of the Divers Doings of the Associated Shades, under the Leadership of Sherlock Holmes, Esq.
Bangs, John Kendrick
Doyle, Arthur Conan, 1859-1930 -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Fantasy fiction; Holmes, Sherlock (Fictitious character) -- Fiction
"As I was saying," resumed the stranger, "I felt confident that within an
hour, in some way or other, that case would be placed in my hands. It
would be mine either positively or negatively--that is to say, either the
person robbed would employ me to ferret out the mystery and recover the
diamonds, or the robber himself, actuated by motives of self-preservation,
would endeavor to direct my energies into other channels until he should
have the time to dispose of his ill-gotten booty. A mental discussion of
the probabilities inclined me to believe that the latter would be the
case. I reasoned in this fashion: The person robbed is of exalted rank.
She cannot move rapidly because she is so. Great bodies move slowly. It is
probable that it will be a week before, according to the etiquette by
which she is hedged about, she can communicate with me. In the first
place, she must inform one of her attendants that she has been robbed. He
must communicate the news to the functionary in charge of her residence,
who will communicate with the Home Secretary, and from him will issue the
orders to the police, who, baffled at every step, will finally address
themselves to me. 'I'll give that side two weeks,' I said. On the other
hand, the robber: will he allow himself to be lulled into a false sense of
security by counting on this delay, or will he not, noting my habit of
occasionally entering upon detective enterprises of this nature of my own
volition, come to me at once and set me to work ferreting out some crime
that has never been committed? My feeling was that this would happen, and
I pulled out my watch to see if it were not nearly time for him to arrive.
The robbery had taken place at a state ball at the Buckingham Palace.
'H'm!' I mused. 'He has had an hour and forty minutes to get here. It is
now twelve twenty. He should be here by twelve forty-five. I will wait.'
And hastily swallowing a cocaine tablet to nerve myself up for the
meeting, I sat down and began to read my Schopenhauer. Hardly had I
perused a page when there came a tap upon my door. I rose with a smile,
for I thought I knew what was to happen, opened the door, and there stood,
much to my surprise, the husband of the lady whose tiara was missing. It
was the Duke of Brokedale himself. It is true he was disguised. His beard
was powdered until it looked like snow, and he wore a wig and a pair of
green goggles; but I recognized him at once by his lack of manners, which
is an unmistakable sign of nobility. As I opened the door, he began:
"'You are Mr.--'
"'I am,' I replied. 'Come in. You have come to see me about your stolen
watch. It is a gold hunting-case watch with a Swiss movement; loses five
minutes a day; stem-winder; and the back cover, which does not bear any
inscription, has upon it the indentations made by the molars of your son
Willie when that interesting youth was cutting his teeth upon it.'"
"Wonderful!" cried Johnson.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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