Domestic fiction; Family -- England -- Midlands -- Fiction; Midlands (England) -- Fiction
When he came to, as if from sleep, he seemed to be sitting in a
timeless stillness. What was he listening for? He seemed to be
listening for some sound a long way off, from beyond life. He
remembered his wife. He must go back to her. The child was asleep, the
eyelids not quite shut, showing a slight film of black pupil between.
Why did she not shut her eyes? Her mouth was also a little open.
He rose quickly and went back to the house.
“Is she asleep?” whispered Tilly.
He nodded. The servant-woman came to look at the child who slept in the
shawl, with cheeks flushed hot and red, and a whiteness, a wanness
round the eyes.
“God-a-mercy!” whispered Tilly, shaking her head.
He pushed off his boots and went upstairs with the child. He became
aware of the anxiety grasped tight at his heart, because of his wife.
But he remained still. The house was silent save for the wind outside,
and the noisy trickling and splattering of water in the water-butts.
There was a slit of light under his wife’s door.
He put the child into bed wrapped as she was in the shawl, for the
sheets would be cold. Then he was afraid that she might not be able to
move her arms, so he loosened her. The black eyes opened, rested on him
vacantly, sank shut again. He covered her up. The last little quiver
from the sobbing shook her breathing.
This was his room, the room he had had before he married. It was
familiar. He remembered what it was to be a young man, untouched.
He remained suspended. The child slept, pushing her small fists from
the shawl. He could tell the woman her child was asleep. But he must go
to the other landing. He started. There was the sound of the owls—the
moaning of the woman. What an uncanny sound! It was not human—at least
to a man.
He went down to her room, entering softly. She was lying still, with
eyes shut, pale, tired. His heart leapt, fearing she was dead. Yet he
knew perfectly well she was not. He saw the way her hair went loose
over her temples, her mouth was shut with suffering in a sort of grin.
She was beautiful to him—but it was not human. He had a dread of her as
she lay there. What had she to do with him? She was other than himself.
Something made him go and touch her fingers that were still grasped on
the sheet. Her brown-grey eyes opened and looked at him. She did not
know him as himself. But she knew him as the man. She looked at him as
a woman in childbirth looks at the man who begot the child in her: an
impersonal look, in the extreme hour, female to male. Her eyes closed
again. A great, scalding peace went over him, burning his heart and his
entrails, passing off into the infinite.
When her pains began afresh, tearing her, he turned aside, and could
not look. But his heart in torture was at peace, his bowels were glad.
He went downstairs, and to the door, outside, lifted his face to the
rain, and felt the darkness striking unseen and steadily upon him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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