The Red Light of Mars; or, A Day in the Life of the Devil: A Philosophical ComedyBronson-Howard, George
Philosophy
The Red Light of Mars; or, A Day in the Life of the Devil: A Philosophical Comedy
Bronson-Howard, George
Devil -- Drama; Long Island (N.Y.) -- Drama
THE DEVIL (_crossing over to it_)
What’s the use being sulky, Magnus? You’re the only one here who can
do it without anybody seeing you. Go on! For this poor fellow’s sake
anyhow. (_Points to Agnus_) Want to see him in jail?
AGNUS (_approaching the light_)
Mr. Magnus, sir—I had no hand in this—I am as badly off as you—I am
Addington Agnus. That man—over there—(_pointing_) is The Devil.
THE DEVIL
Dr. Agnus, please.
AGNUS
He stole my body, too, and made me take this one—
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Ha! Ha!
AGNUS
And now I find it’s a criminal’s body, and the police are looking for
it. Mr. Magnus—please—
THE DEVIL
It will make me more merciful, Magnus.
[_The light moves sulkily to the window. The storm has blown over and
the rain is turning to snow. However, the light is bright enough for
The Devil to turn out the candles._
THE DEVIL (_to the light_)
When you come back, wag once—like this (_wags head_) if the Dutchman’s
mattress is torn up. Twice if it isn’t.
[_The light flies out through the window._
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_throwing up window and calling after the light_)
Over the shoemaker’s shop—next block—third floor—you can’t miss it.
(_Puts down the window_)
THE DEVIL (_to Schwartzenhopfel_)
Let’s spare his feelings while he’s gone. I wonder how big a check he
can write.
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_excitedly_)
I read he could sign one for two million dollars—ready money—a check
for two millions—_Ach Gott!_ That was why I wanted to blow him up.
THE DEVIL (_coldly_)
Well, you’ve got your chance now. A chance no anarchist ever had
before. You anarchists always complain you can’t get close enough to
millionaires. _You’re_ close enough—
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_turning pale_)
What do you mean?
THE DEVIL (_handing him a sharp paper-cutter of steel_)
Dig this (_taps it_) into that—(_Taps Schwartzenhopfel’s heart_)
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_turning pale_)
That would be murder!
THE DEVIL
And what’s throwing bombs?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_protesting_)
I don’t throw ’em. I make ’em. I never threw one.
THE DEVIL
What’s the difference?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
I never sell ’em to blow up people. Only houses and bridges and
railroads and—(_vaguely_)—er—places—
THE DEVIL
You just said you wanted to blow up Magnus.
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_hanging his head_)
I don’t blow up nobody!
THE DEVIL (_scornfully_)
Socialist!!
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_furiously_)
Socialist? Bourgeoisie! Children! Talkers! Bah!
THE DEVIL (_tapping him_)
Bourgeoisie! Child! Talker! Bah!
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
You lie—
THE DEVIL
Do I? (_Offers paper-cutter again_) Prove it! (_Makes the motion of
stabbing_) Anarchists claim they wouldn’t let John Magnus live one
minute if they had the power to kill him. Here’s the power— (_Offers
knife again_)
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
_Teufel! Teufel!_ You _are_ a devil.
THE DEVIL
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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