ACRES Ha! ha! you've taken notice of it--'tis genteel, isn't it!--I didn't invent it myself though; but a commander in our militia, a great scholar, I assure you, says that there is no meaning in the common oaths, and that nothing but their antiquity makes them respectable;--because, he says, the ancients would never stick to an oath or two, but would say, by Jove! or by Bacchus! or by Mars! or by Venus! or by Pallas, according to the sentiment: so that to swear with propriety, says my little major, the oath should be an echo to the sense; and this we call the _oath referential_, or _sentimental swearing_--ha! ha! 'tis genteel, isn't it? ABSOLUTE Very genteel, and very new, indeed!--and I dare say will supplant all other figures of imprecation. ACRES Ay, ay, the best terms will grow obsolete.--Damns have had their day. [Re-enter FAG.] FAG Sir, there is a gentleman below desires to see you.--Shall I show him into the parlour? ABSOLUTE Ay--you may. ACRES Well, I must be gone---- ABSOLUTE Stay; who is it, Fag? FAG Your father, sir. ABSOLUTE You puppy, why didn't you show him up directly? [Exit FAG.] ACRES You have business with Sir Anthony.--I expect a message from Mrs. Malaprop at my lodgings. I have sent also to my dear friend Sir Lucius O'Trigger. Adieu, Jack! we must meet at night, when you shall give me a dozen bumpers to little Lydia. ABSOLUTE That I will with all my heart.---- [Exit ACRES.] Now for a parental lecture--I hope he has heard nothing of the business that brought me here--I wish the gout had held him fast in Devonshire, with all my soul! [Enter Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.] Sir I am delighted to see you here; looking so well! your sudden arrival at Bath made me apprehensive for your health. Sir ANTHONY Very apprehensive, I dare say, Jack.--What, you are recruiting here, hey? ABSOLUTE Yes, sir, I am on duty. Sir ANTHONY Well, Jack, I am glad to see you, though I did not expect it, for I was going to write to you on a little matter of business.--Jack, I have been considering that I grow old and infirm, and shall probably not trouble you long. ABSOLUTE Pardon me, sir, I never saw you look more strong and hearty; and I pray frequently that you may continue so. Sir ANTHONY I hope your prayers may be heard, with all my heart. Well, then, Jack, I have been considering that I am so strong and hearty I may continue to plague you a long time. Now, Jack, I am sensible that the income of your commission, and what I have hitherto allowed you, is but a small pittance for a lad of your spirit. ABSOLUTE Sir, you are very good. Sir ANTHONY And it is my wish, while yet I live, to have my boy make some figure in the world. I have resolved, therefore, to fix you at once in a noble independence. ABSOLUTE Sir, your kindness overpowers me--such generosity makes the gratitude of reason more lively than the sensations even of filial affection.