ABSOLUTE [Reads.] _Has universally the character of being an accomplished gentleman and a man of honour._--Well, that's handsome enough. Mrs. MALAPROP Oh, the fellow has some design in writing so. ABSOLUTE That he had, I'll answer for him, ma'am. Mrs. MALAPROP But go on, sir--you'll see presently. ABSOLUTE [Reads.] _As for the old weather-beaten she-dragon who guards you_--Who can he mean by that? Mrs. MALAPROP Me, sir!--me!--he means me!--There--what do you think now?--but go on a little further. ABSOLUTE Impudent scoundrel!--[Reads.] _it shall go hard but I will elude her vigilance, as I am told that the same ridiculous vanity, which makes her dress up her coarse features, and deck her dull chat with hard words which she don't understand_---- Mrs. MALAPROP There, sir, an attack upon my language! what do you think of that?--an aspersion upon my parts of speech! was ever such a brute! Sure, if I reprehend any thing in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs! ABSOLUTE He deserves to be hanged and quartered! let me see--[Reads.] _same ridiculous vanity_---- Mrs. MALAPROP You need not read it again, sir. ABSOLUTE I beg pardon, ma'am.--[Reads.] _does also lay her open to the grossest deceptions from flattery and pretended admiration_--an impudent coxcomb!--_so that I have a scheme to see you shortly with the old harridan's consent, and even to make her a go-between in our interview._--Was ever such assurance! Mrs. MALAPROP Did you ever hear anything like it?--he'll elude my vigilance, will he--yes, yes! ha! ha! he's very likely to enter these doors;--we'll try who can plot best! ABSOLUTE So we will, ma'am--so we will! Ha! ha! ha! a conceited puppy, ha! ha! ha!--Well, but Mrs. Malaprop, as the girl seems so infatuated by this fellow, suppose you were to wink at her corresponding with him for a little time--let her even plot an elopement with him--then do you connive at her escape--while I, just in the nick, will have the fellow laid by the heels, and fairly contrive to carry her off in his stead. Mrs. MALAPROP I am delighted with the scheme; never was anything better perpetrated! ABSOLUTE But, pray, could not I see the lady for a few minutes now?--I should like to try her temper a little. Mrs. MALAPROP Why, I don't know--I doubt she is not prepared for a visit of this kind. There is a decorum in these matters. ABSOLUTE O Lord! she won't mind me--only tell her Beverley---- Mrs. MALAPROP Sir! ABSOLUTE [Aside.] Gently, good tongue. Mrs. MALAPROP What did you say of Beverley? ABSOLUTE Oh, I was going to propose that you should tell her, by way of jest, that it was Beverley who was below; she'd come down fast enough then--ha! ha! ha!