ACRES I must be in a passion, Sir Lucius--I must be in a rage.--Dear Sir Lucius, let me be in a rage, if you love me. Come, here's pen and paper.--[Sits down to write.] I would the ink were red!--Indite, I say, indite!--How shall I begin? Odds bullets and blades! I'll write a good bold hand, however. Sir LUCIUS Pray compose yourself. ACRES Come--now, shall I begin with an oath? Do, Sir Lucius, let me begin with a damme. Sir LUCIUS Pho! pho! do the thing decently, and like a Christian. Begin now--_Sir ----_ ACRES That's too civil by half. Sir LUCIUS _To prevent the confusion that might arise----_ ACRES Well---- Sir LUCIUS _From our both addressing the same lady----_ ACRES Ay, there's the reason--_same_ lady--well---- Sir LUCIUS _I shall expect the honour of your company----_ ACRES Zounds! I'm not asking him to dinner. Sir LUCIUS Pray be easy. ACRES Well, then, _honour of your company----_ Sir LUCIUS _To settle our pretensions----_ ACRES Well. Sir LUCIUS Let me see, ay, King's-Mead-Fields will do--_in King's-Mead-Fields._ ACRES So, that's done--Well, I'll fold it up presently; my own crest--a hand and dagger shall be the seal. Sir LUCIUS You see now this little explanation will put a stop at once to all confusion or misunderstanding that might arise between you. ACRES Ay, we fight to prevent any misunderstanding. Sir LUCIUS Now, I'll leave you to fix your own time.--Take my advice, and you'll decide it this evening if you can; then let the worst come of it, 'twill be off your mind to-morrow. ACRES Very true. Sir LUCIUS So I shall see nothing of you, unless it be by letter, till the evening.--I would do myself the honour to carry your message; but, to tell you a secret, I believe I shall have just such another affair on my own hands. There is a gay captain here, who put a jest on me lately, at the expense of my country, and I only want to fall in with the gentleman, to call him out. ACRES By my valour, I should like to see you fight first! Odds life! I should like to see you kill him if it was only to get a little lesson. Sir LUCIUS I shall be very proud of instructing you.--Well for the present--but remember now, when you meet your antagonist, do every thing in a mild and agreeable manner.--Let your courage be as keen, but at the same time as polished, as your sword. [Exeunt severally.] * * * * * * * * * * * ACT IV * * * * * * * Scene I--ACRES' Lodgings. [ACRES and DAVID.] DAVID Then, by the mass, sir! I would do no such thing--ne'er a Sir Lucius O'Trigger in the kingdom should make me fight, when I wasn't so minded. Oons! what will the old lady say, when she hears o't? ACRES Ah! David, if you had heard Sir Lucius!--Odds sparks and flames! he would have roused your valour.